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NailTheMonster
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I would really appreciate if someone can comment on the essay and rate it out of 6 . Please help me in finding any grammatical/logical/structural or any other error.I have gmat in 2 days fingers crossed.
Stem: The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine.
"On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since
the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to
take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged
consumer."
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
-----
The argument that replacing some of the products intended to attract younger customers with products intended to attract middle-aged customers will lead to increase in sales in department stores omits some important considerations that need to be addressed to get a holistic view of the situation under consideration. The argument fails to provide substantive evidence or sound reasoning to be able to prove or even support the conclusion form the given premises. The major flaws of the argument include unstated assumptions as well as the fact that argument confused high percentage with high number. The passage below aims to elaborate on the flaws as well as provide potential remedies to resolve them.
First of all, the argument readily assumes that on average the 25 percent of the expenditure by a young person is less than the 39 percent of the expenditure by middle-aged person. This is an unwarranted leap of faith that needs additional evidence in order to hold. A possible situation that contradicts this assumption could be that the young people spend more money on retail items at department stores than middle-aged people do, so 25 percent expenses done by a young person is greater than the 39 percent expenses done by a middle aged person. Moreover, if young person buys only costly items such as TV, computers and phones, then the 25 percent expense done by young person leads to higher proportion of revenue to stores. Hence, the conclusion is invalid unless argument provides additional evidence to validate this assumption.
Secondly, the argument claims that by replacing products the store will increase sale. This is again a weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not take into account that the population of young people could be far more than the population of the middle aged people. For example, if the town has 80 percent young people and just 20 percent middle-aged people, then 25 percent of 80 percent would be much higher than 39 percent of 20 percent. Additionally, in the case that the trend may not continue and that middle people may reduce their expenses further, then the conclusion will not hold as well. Hence, the argument fails to convince readers that replacing products will lead to increased sale.
Finally, to remedy the aforementioned flaws, the argument needs to provide evidences that support each of the unstated assumptions. Had the argument mentioned that the percentage of the revenue from young people is far lower than the percent of revenue from middle-aged people, then the argument would have been much more convincing. The argument could have also highlighted the population difference between the young and middle aged. The argument could have provided evidence that trend will continue in future as well.
In summary, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated, and fails to reason logically from the given premises. The flaws mentioned above render the argument unconvincing. Had the argument included remedies mentioned above, then the conclusion would have been much more reasonable.
Stem: The following appeared in the opinion column of a financial magazine.
"On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since
the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to
take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged
consumer."
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
-----
The argument that replacing some of the products intended to attract younger customers with products intended to attract middle-aged customers will lead to increase in sales in department stores omits some important considerations that need to be addressed to get a holistic view of the situation under consideration. The argument fails to provide substantive evidence or sound reasoning to be able to prove or even support the conclusion form the given premises. The major flaws of the argument include unstated assumptions as well as the fact that argument confused high percentage with high number. The passage below aims to elaborate on the flaws as well as provide potential remedies to resolve them.
First of all, the argument readily assumes that on average the 25 percent of the expenditure by a young person is less than the 39 percent of the expenditure by middle-aged person. This is an unwarranted leap of faith that needs additional evidence in order to hold. A possible situation that contradicts this assumption could be that the young people spend more money on retail items at department stores than middle-aged people do, so 25 percent expenses done by a young person is greater than the 39 percent expenses done by a middle aged person. Moreover, if young person buys only costly items such as TV, computers and phones, then the 25 percent expense done by young person leads to higher proportion of revenue to stores. Hence, the conclusion is invalid unless argument provides additional evidence to validate this assumption.
Secondly, the argument claims that by replacing products the store will increase sale. This is again a weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not take into account that the population of young people could be far more than the population of the middle aged people. For example, if the town has 80 percent young people and just 20 percent middle-aged people, then 25 percent of 80 percent would be much higher than 39 percent of 20 percent. Additionally, in the case that the trend may not continue and that middle people may reduce their expenses further, then the conclusion will not hold as well. Hence, the argument fails to convince readers that replacing products will lead to increased sale.
Finally, to remedy the aforementioned flaws, the argument needs to provide evidences that support each of the unstated assumptions. Had the argument mentioned that the percentage of the revenue from young people is far lower than the percent of revenue from middle-aged people, then the argument would have been much more convincing. The argument could have also highlighted the population difference between the young and middle aged. The argument could have provided evidence that trend will continue in future as well.
In summary, the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which the argument could be evaluated, and fails to reason logically from the given premises. The flaws mentioned above render the argument unconvincing. Had the argument included remedies mentioned above, then the conclusion would have been much more reasonable.
