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Please rate my essay (33 min + no time to reread)

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by Brulee » Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:48 am
I took a bit more time than 30 minutes to write this. I spent more time than needed in the Brainstorm session in order to know what I will need to talk about. Any tips? Also, what's my score?
The following appeared in an ad for a book titled How to Write a Screenplay for a Movie:
"Writers who want to succeed should try to write film screenplays rather than books, since the average film tends to make greater profits than does even a best-selling book. It is true that some books are also made into films. However, our nation's film producers are more likely to produce movies based on original screenplays than to produce films based on books, because in recent years the films that have sold the most tickets have usually been based on original screenplays."
The author argues that writers who want to succeed should write screenplays instead of books as an average film tends to be more profitable than a best-selling book. The author acknowledges that some books are made into films but states that most of the time, they are based on original screenplays. This argument is flawed as the author fails to provide the right use of evidence and reasoning to support his case.

First of all, if the average film tends to make greater profits than a best-selling book, this doesn't mean that the writer of the screenplay made more money than the writer of the best-selling book. Screenplay writers don't receive a cut of the movie profits but get paid a fee by the production house to use their screenplay. The main line of reasoning of the author is wrong as he is comparing apples to oranges. The profits made by giving the rights to the screenplay should be compared to the profits made by selling the book. Any other comparison is flawed and doesn't provide true information as to what type of authors are more successful. Moreover, if screenplay writers make more money than book writers, this doesn't mean that all screenplay writers make more money than book writers. It would be interesting here to further analyze the market and see which type of writers are actually more successful.

Secondly, stating that film producers are more likely to produce movies based on screenplays rather than books is a useless claim. Screenplays are written with the purpose of being made as movies while books are written with the purpose of being read. If anything, books have an advantage in that not only they will be sold to the public but they also have the chance to be made as a movie. An example here would be Harry Potter. Lastly, the author's claim that films based on original screenplays are making more money doesn't add any value to his claim as this is totally expected. Since most of the movies are based on books, it only makes sense for these types of films to sell more tickets.

In summary, the author's argument that writers who want to be successful should write screenplays instead of books is not properly supported by evidence. In order for the author's claim to make sense he needs to compare the profits of screenplay writers vs. book writers and then proceed with his analysis from there.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Mon Feb 09, 2015 5:42 am
Hello Brulee,

Below are some comments on your essay. I hope that this helps you prepare.

Writing: You avoided major writing errors even without making time to read your essay before submitting. There are a couple of lengthy phrases that you could shorten: "The main line of reasoning of the author is wrong" could become "The author's reasoning is incorrect." Writing more concisely should free up time for you to review your work.

Structure: Your intro was strong because you clearly demonstrated your understanding of the prompt and stated that the argument was flawed. The conclusion was concise and to the point - good job restating the author's argument one final time. The body paragraphs were weaker. While your examples in the first body paragraph were reasonable, your final sentence with suggestions for improvement was out of place. The second body paragraph seemed rushed - see comments below.

Arguments/Examples: You didn't fully develop the Harry Potter example, so I was not sure why you mentioned the series. The final sentence of that paragraph("Since most of the movies are based on books...") did not seem to be related to the prompt: what does "most of the movies are based on books" mean? Is this true based on the essay question? The prompt tells us that "our nation's film producers are more likely to produce movies based on original screenplays than to produce films based on books," and you seem to be disagreeing with the prompt here. Make sure to be clear so the reader can follow your argument.

Suggestions for Improvement: You mentioned in your post that you went over the 30 minute limit when you put together this essay. I'd encourage you to write a few more practice essays and focus on completing them within the time limit. Don't worry so much about length. Make sure that your examples point back to the prompt. I'd put this essay in the 3.5-4.5 range - points were lost for the structure of the first body paragraph and the claims in the second body paragraph.
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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