Request to rate & comment on the AWA essay

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Request to rate & comment on the AWA essay

by tharva » Mon Oct 17, 2011 11:54 am
ANALYSIS OF AN ISSUE TOPIC -Financial gain should be the most important factor in choosing the career

A career could be defined as what a person does to make a living. For the purpose of the analysis of this issue, let us narrow the definition of a career down to an industry a person chooses to pursue in order to earn a living. This means that a person could change jobs, or companies in his career as time progresses.

Now that we have a definition, I disagree with the statement that financial gain should be the most important factor in choosing a career for multiple reasons.

A career is one of the two most important things for a person in his or her life, the other is family. While most people cannot choose their families, the exception is a spouse or perhaps adopting a baby, almost everybody has a choice in deciding a career. Although making financial gain as the most important factor in choosing a career may seem a smart choice initially, it is usually the main reason why people are forced to change careers.

Numerous studies by credible sources like universities, media and government agencies show that an average person change careers over 8 times in his life time. Interviews with career changers provide clear evidence that most people changed careers because although their earlier choices paid them well, those careers did not provide them internal satisfaction. For some people, that internal satisfaction came from doing more meaningful work like working for non-profit agencies that didn't pay well. For other folks, the satisfaction came from spending quality time with their families, which their earlier careers did not provide. Financial gain, while an important factor in choosing a career, should not be the single most important factor.

There should be numerous other factors that should be given importance while making a career choice: what does a person like to do, what opportunities will the career chosen present in the short-term, medium-term and the long-term, how aligned is the career to other personal goals of the person, and so on.

Let me take a personal example to illustrate the importance of some of these factors. Out of the many different options I had from medical, arts and engineering, I chose to pursue the one that offered a comparable and competitive financial return, but had other benefits, such as choice of companies in the city I wanted to live in, a range of the type of jobs I could perform, an opportunity to develop my areas of weakness and highlight my strengths, and most importantly, something I had a passion for since I was a little girl. As a result, I haven't yet changed my career even after 8 years and am very satisfied with where I am. I know I could have earned more money in the medical field or law, but I knew I wouldn't have been happy in those careers. However, my best friend who chose the medical field, for example, because it pays well, is miserable and unable to cope with the work pressure but she only cared for the financial return the career offered and did not consider other aspects of the medical career.

A career is where a person will spend majority of his or her time. Therefore, it is important to choose something that the person likes doing, not just for the short-term, but also for longer-term.

If time with family is a priority for a person, what use is a career that provides the money but no time to spend the money?

People think that money is the most important thing in life. However, quality of life depends on many factors, money is just one of those factors and usually not the most important one. While at their deathbeds, no one says, "I wish I had earned more money". Instead it is known that people say, "I wish I had spent more time with my family", or "I wish I had the time to make more impact in society". Therefore, money or financial gain should be one of the factors, but certainly not the most important one in choosing one's career.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by throughmba » Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:45 pm
A career is one of the two most important things for a person in his or her life, the other is family.
Rephrase this kind of sentences into simple ones.
While most people cannot choose their families, the exception is a spouse or perhaps adopting a baby, almost everybody has a choice in deciding a career.
This is very contextual. An assumption
Although making financial gain as the most important factor in choosing a career may seem a smart choice initially, it is usually the main reason why people are forced to change careers.
Rephrase this kind of complex lines.
Numerous studies by credible sources like universities, media and government agencies show that an average person change careers over 8 times in his life time.
changes career. An assumption
There should be numerous other factors that should be given importance while making a career choice: what does a person like to do, what opportunities will the career chosen present in the short-term, medium-term and the long-term, how aligned is the career to other personal goals of the person, and so on.
You are mentioning things which may be taken as digression of topic.
Let me take a personal example to illustrate the importance of some of these factors.
Avoid personal examples.
However, my best friend who chose the medical field, for example, because it pays well, is miserable and unable to cope with the work pressure but she only cared for the financial return the career offered and did not consider other aspects of the medical career.
Very complex structure
If time with family is a priority for a person, what use is a career that provides the money but no time to spend the money?


One line paragraphs is no no. It should be merged with the paragraph above.

Last paragraph is superbly written. You have sparks of brilliance. Just customize yourself for AWA by going through some previous good entries.

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