Hi everyone!
Could you please advise if using of bullet points is acceptable on argumet essays. I add below essay I've created as an example of bullet points usage.
I would also be very grateful if you can rate below essay.
Thanks!
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has
decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro."
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.
Running for office is often an issue that catches public attention and attracts media coverage. In the passage above, the author asserts that San Perdito population would have much better service if they vote the current mayor out and restore the previous person to office. To support his/her argument, the author presents the following facts:
"¢ During Montoya's mayor ship the number of population in the city of San Perdito has decreased but the unemployment rate has increased.
"¢ During Montoya's mayor ship for every one business that opens two closes.
"¢ During Varro's time in office the population was increasing and unemployment rate went down.
Based on the facts presented and the assumptions made, I'm not able to agree with the author's claim.
The author makes the following assumptions to support his/her argument:
"¢ The decrease of city population is bad for the city economy. The author did not provide sufficient evidence that population decrease is necessarily a bad thing for the city.
"¢ The mayor is solely responsible for population decrease and unemployment rate increase. There is insufficient data for the author to drive his conclusion since population decrease and/or unemployment rate increase can be caused by a number of different global factors that the current mayor can't control or even influence. Global recession might be one the possible alternative explanations.
"¢ Mayor is responsible for a number of businesses closed. We can't determine from what the author presents whether there were other factors that caused closure of these businesses and whether information provided is statistically accurate. For instance, several businesses might close in order to start alliance together as a new business.
In order to strengthen his/her argument, the author could have:
"¢ Provided more details and explanations why the city's population decrease is negative.
"¢ Stated more conclusive proof how the unemployment rate and population decrease are connected to the current mayors performance.
"¢ Obtained more data to support the fact the mayor is solely responsible for mass closing of businesses in the city. Citing relevant and appropriate statistics might help significantly.
In sum, I disagree with the author's assertion that San Perdito needs to replace the current mayor with the old one. The argument is flawed because it is based on invalid assumptions, and lack of sufficient fact or data.
Could you please advise if using of bullet points is acceptable on argumet essays. I add below essay I've created as an example of bullet points usage.
I would also be very grateful if you can rate below essay.
Thanks!
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:
"In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has
decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro."
Discuss how well reasoned ... etc.
Running for office is often an issue that catches public attention and attracts media coverage. In the passage above, the author asserts that San Perdito population would have much better service if they vote the current mayor out and restore the previous person to office. To support his/her argument, the author presents the following facts:
"¢ During Montoya's mayor ship the number of population in the city of San Perdito has decreased but the unemployment rate has increased.
"¢ During Montoya's mayor ship for every one business that opens two closes.
"¢ During Varro's time in office the population was increasing and unemployment rate went down.
Based on the facts presented and the assumptions made, I'm not able to agree with the author's claim.
The author makes the following assumptions to support his/her argument:
"¢ The decrease of city population is bad for the city economy. The author did not provide sufficient evidence that population decrease is necessarily a bad thing for the city.
"¢ The mayor is solely responsible for population decrease and unemployment rate increase. There is insufficient data for the author to drive his conclusion since population decrease and/or unemployment rate increase can be caused by a number of different global factors that the current mayor can't control or even influence. Global recession might be one the possible alternative explanations.
"¢ Mayor is responsible for a number of businesses closed. We can't determine from what the author presents whether there were other factors that caused closure of these businesses and whether information provided is statistically accurate. For instance, several businesses might close in order to start alliance together as a new business.
In order to strengthen his/her argument, the author could have:
"¢ Provided more details and explanations why the city's population decrease is negative.
"¢ Stated more conclusive proof how the unemployment rate and population decrease are connected to the current mayors performance.
"¢ Obtained more data to support the fact the mayor is solely responsible for mass closing of businesses in the city. Citing relevant and appropriate statistics might help significantly.
In sum, I disagree with the author's assertion that San Perdito needs to replace the current mayor with the old one. The argument is flawed because it is based on invalid assumptions, and lack of sufficient fact or data.
