Please rate my essay: In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent

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The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts:
“In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television.”

The council is assuming that TV Programs on visual arts have inspired people to visit museums, and He gives a specific example on this, and finally concludes that they should spend some funds dedicated for visual arts on public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear. In my opinion the argument is not convincing. Below paragraphs shed light on my point of view.

First, the council is assuming that 15 percent increase in museums visitors is because of visual arts program shown on public TV. Author is giving example of a survey where 15% residents said that they watch TV programs about the visual arts and then during the same period visitors to museums increased by 15%. This assumption needs more evidence, as it is very much possible that increase in museum's visitors is because of some other reason, may be museums have displayed more interesting items, may be during last 5 years, government made a plan to attract international visitors/tourists etc.

Second, the council is suggesting that as corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear is now being threatened with severe cuts, so some of City's funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public TV, as author thinks that if this is not done, visitors to museums will decrease. But assumptions can be altogether different. It is possible that increase in people who watch television programs about the visual arts is because the people visited museums first and then developed interest in visual arts. So if this is true then argument is very seriously weakened and any financial help to public TV will not have any effect on museum visitors.

Third, council’s assumes that if corporate funds to public television are reduced public television will in turn reduce funds for visual arts program, or it will stop showing visual arts programs. Council’s assumption need more evidence, as it is very much possible that even corporate funding for public TV is reduced; TV will not cut on visual arts programs. It may reduce air time for any other type of programs like Drama, History or sports.
In conclusion, argument by City's council on the arts is not convincing. They should provide more evidence that increase in museums visitors is only because of visual arts programs aired on TV in last 5 years, if they want to strengthen the argument. They also need to clarify that have TV programs increased the visitors to museums or visit to museums have increase people's interest in TV programs about visual arts. Also more details on pattern of corporate funds utilization by public TV can clarify the situation.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by garima99 » Tue Jul 19, 2011 12:19 am
Flaws within the argument:
1.There is no relation to the number of people attending the museum and the number of people watching TV,it could be that those watching TV may not come to museum
2.Maybe to satisfy their hobbies those who cant watch it on TV would visit museum more often
3.Transferring the funds to TV may not be used to provide enough publicity .

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by garima99 » Tue Jul 19, 2011 12:26 am
wiqbal96 wrote:The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city�s council on the arts:
�In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city�s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city�s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city�s funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television.�

The council is assuming that TV Programs on visual arts have inspired people to visit museums, and He gives a specific example on this, and finally concludes that they should spend some funds dedicated for visual arts on public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear. In my opinion the argument is not convincing. Below paragraphs shed light on my point of view.
The first para is not a good start .Elaborate on the example .Use commas .Below paragraphs,not a good way to structure.

First, the council is assuming that 15 percent increase in museums visitors is because of visual arts program shown on public TV. Author is giving example of a survey where 15% residents said that they watch TV programs about the visual arts and then during the same period visitors to museums increased by 15%. This assumption needs more evidence, as it is very much possible that increase in museum's visitors is because of some other reason, may be museums have displayed more interesting items, may be during last 5 years, government made a plan to attract international visitors/tourists etc.

Again , your paragraph should have some content,it looks redundant.

Second, the council is suggesting that as corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear is now being threatened with severe cuts, so some of City's funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public TV, as author thinks that if this is not done, visitors to museums will decrease. But assumptions can be altogether different. It is possible that increase in people who watch television programs about the visual arts is because the people visited museums first and then developed interest in visual arts. So if this is true then argument is very seriously weakened and any financial help to public TV will not have any effect on museum visitors.

Third, council�s assumes that if corporate funds to public television are reduced public television will in turn reduce funds for visual arts program, or it will stop showing visual arts programs. Council�s assumption need more evidence, as it is very much possible that even corporate funding for public TV is reduced; TV will not cut on visual arts programs. It may reduce air time for any other type of programs like Drama, History or sports.
In conclusion, argument by City's council on the arts is not convincing. They should provide more evidence that increase in museums visitors is only because of visual arts programs aired on TV in last 5 years, if they want to strengthen the argument. They also need to clarify that have TV programs increased the visitors to museums or visit to museums have increase people's interest in TV programs about visual arts. Also more details on pattern of corporate funds utilization by public TV can clarify the situation.

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by kuttingchai » Mon Nov 26, 2012 7:10 am
Please help me rate my essay -

In this argument the author concludes that some of the city's funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television. The conclusion is based on the premises that there is an increase in the number of residents visiting city's art museums over 5 years due to 15% increase in residents who watch visual arts television program in comparison to the residents who watched visual arts television program five years ago and there is a reduction in corporate funding that supports visual arts television program. This arguments is not convincing due to following reasons.

To start with, the author has assumed that the increase in the number of residents to Virtual arts museum is due to 15% more residents now watch the virtual arts television program. The author has not provided any details to show the link between virtual arts television watchers and peoples visiting the virtual arts museum. Just as likely, the people visting the arts museum might not be one who watch virtual arts television program. Might be that, the Director at museum has added new artifacts in the museum's collection that interest particular age group, causing the increase in the number of people visiting museum.

In addition, the author states that the reduction in corporate funding that supports visual arts television program will negatively impact the attendance at city's art museum. The author has not
provided any evidence to support this claim. It can be that the city's art museum's advertisements
will still be shown on the television. To be fair, however, we must recognize that the author's assumption is a special case of a more general one that television viewing affects people's attitudes and behavior. Common sense and observation tell me that this is indeed the case. After all, advertisers spend billions of dollars on television ad time because they trust this assumption as well.

To conclude there are lack of evidences to support the conclusion that the city's funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television. To strengthen the argument author provide link between virtual arts television watchers and peoples visiting the virtual arts museum. Also, author should provide statistical evidence on how reduction in corporate funding that supports visual arts television program will negatively impact the attendance at city's art museum.

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by awaratr » Sun Dec 02, 2012 1:48 am
Rated your essay using the free online tool at gmatawa.com.
You scored a 5.63 or in actual GMAT terms a 5.5 . Which is really good as per the evaluation report I got after submitting your essay you did very well at all the three parameters (coherence, structure (this needs bit of improvement) and vocabulary).

You can yourself check out the rating of this essay as well as any other of your attempts. It is free, no login, no registration just an attempt code is required you can use this one "a12345" or create your own at gmatawa.com

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