GMAT Essays (AWA)

Please rate my firts essay. I know it's bad, but please help me to improve !
Many thanks in advance.


The issue of the compatibility of the private activities with the professional ones is complex and controversial. Many people consider that employees should do all they can to maintain a private life, and correspondingly, keep their private lives and personal activities away from their workplace. On the other hand, it can be noted that employees could be happier if they have some leisure activities with people they are working with. Both perspectives are important, but, overall, the advantages of maintaining a border between private and professional life do not outweigh the drawbacks.

Sharing personal activities and passions with colleagues is important because it allows the employees to have a different look at each other. Obviously, informal activities may permit the burn of new friendships between workers, and hence, help them to be happier on their workplace. Moreover, it seems likely that an employee who has friends in the work place feels better, and consequently, is more productive. That is why companies try to improve the relations between employees by allowing them to be part of team building activities.

Naturally, the objection about the risk of destroying any border between private and professional life are substantial. It is true that some people fail to keep friends outside the office and so may feel very alone if they have some difficulties with their job. However, ity seems likely, though unfortunate, that these people have not the ability to keep several friendships at the same time.

While the issue of the border between private and professional life must be considered carefully, the necessity to be happy in the workplace provide thorough and convincing support that sharing personal activities with colleagues is appropriate.

Thanks for your grading