GMAT Essays (AWA)

"Seven years ago, Zephyr Industries had no problem recruiting qualified candidates from college campuses. This year, however, Zephyr has hired only three qualified interns, fewer than one-quarter of those hired in each of the three preceding years. This suggests that the company's recruitment efforts need to be revamped. Since a growing number of potential recruits learn of career opportunities via social media and online discussion boards, Zephyr should suspend its campus recruitment efforts and instead hire social media consultants."
Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

for the above argument please examine my AWA and help me determine my approximate score.Thanks much!
Experts please help

My response was:-
The argument above discusses about the recruitment efforts of Zephyr. Zephyr was known to be doing pretty well on recruiting qualified candidates from college seven years ago. However, this year, the number of recruited candidates has severely declined. The argument suggests that the recruiting efforts of Zephyr needs to be revamped without evaluating the performance of the company for the past seven years.

The argument fails to identify the reason for such a change in the recruitment habit. Zephyr might have now shifted its focus on hiring experienced candidates than fresh graduates or the company might not be planning to expand due to financial, technical or logistical reasons. In each of these cases the number of fresh recruited graduates will decline. Hence, concluding that recruitment efforts are responsible for the scenario is not correct.

The argument further concludes that Zephyr should suspend its current campus recruitment efforts and instead hire social media consultants. However,this might not prove to be the solution as it is uncertain which circumstances have brought such a recruiting scenario for Zephyr.In addition, the costs involved in hiring social media consultants is not known.
It is just a belief that the recruiting scenario will improve after hiring social media consultants but nothing can be concluded about the policies and plans over which Zephyr is operating.Hence, the conclusion does not stand with the argument as it lacks the complete analysis of Zephyr's current and future plans.