issue essay pls rate gmat in 5 days

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issue essay pls rate gmat in 5 days

by rdchandvadkar » Fri Feb 12, 2010 12:56 am
ESSAY QUESTION:
"The purpose of government is not to ensure the financial well-being of its citizens, but rather to maintain order."
From your perspective, how accurate is the above statement? Support your position with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

MY RESPONSE:
On the one hand people believe that the purpose of the government is to ensure the financial well being of its citizens. On the other hand, some believe that the main purpose of the government is to maintain order. After careful analysis of the statement provided for discussion i believe that though financial well being of a country's citizens and maintaining order are both important for the development of the country the two factors have a cause and effect relationship. Hence i believe that it is important for the government to first ensure the financial well being of its citizens.

First, if the citizens of a country are financially independent and financially secured then harmony in society would be easier to maintain as all the people would have enough means to meet their ends. Thus the purpose to maintain order would be achieved. In the case where people's needs are not met there is always some amount of dissatisfaction which could lead to civil unrest.

Second, without ensuring that the people are financially sound there would be repeated acts of protests which could also turn violent. Though the government may be able to control these protests if the government does not ensure that the financial future of its citizens is secure similar protests would always crop up time and again.

Third, one rarely finds frequent disruptions in order in the prosperous and developed countries. Since these countries have taken measures to ensure the financial well being of its citizens the probability that its citizens would go up in arms against the government is much lower as compared with poverty stricken nations.

Finally, as mentioned earlier financial well being and maintaining order are two crucial aspects for the success of a country the later would generally follow it the former exists. If maintaining order is the paramount purpose of the government then financial well being of its citizens is a pre-requisite. In large countries like India, China where the population is so large the government will always find it difficult to maintain order as protests and violence will crop up in so many different regions. The only way to control this would be to find a permanent solution. A solution that would help people meet their ends and the easiest way to achieve that is to keep the financial well being of the citizens as the primary objective of the government.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Osirus@VeritasPrep » Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:32 am
"On the one hand people believe that the purpose of the government is to ensure the financial well being of its citizens. On the other hand, some believe that the main purpose of the government is to maintain order. After careful analysis of the statement provided for discussion i believe that though financial well being of a country's citizens and maintaining order are both important for the development of the country the two factors have a cause and effect relationship. Hence i believe that it is important for the government to first ensure the financial well being of its citizens. "

This is awkward. I would word it like this. "While some believe that the purpose of government is to ensure the financial well-being of its citizens, others believe that the governments main role is to maintain order. After careful analysis of the argument, I believe that the two issues go hand in hand, and you can not have one without the other. Hence, I believe that it is more important that the government ensures financial well-being for its citizens, because this financial security will lead to an orderly society."

"First, if the citizens of a country are financially independent and financially secured then harmony in society would be easier to maintain as all the people would have enough means to meet their ends."

If you're going to say this you need to discuss how crime is only a result of poverty or something similar to that.

"Second, without ensuring that the people are financially sound there would be repeated acts of protests which could also turn violent."

Make this more concise. Say it like this: "Second, without providing financial security for the masses, the government would have to deal with protests, which could become violent."

"Since these countries have taken measures to ensure the financial well being of its citizens the probability that its citizens would go up in arms against the government is much lower as compared with poverty stricken nations. "

You need more support for this. You don't give any evidence for this. Did these prosperous nations in fact take measures to ensure the financial stability of their citizens? If so, what were some of the measures taken?
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by rdchandvadkar » Fri Feb 12, 2010 1:17 pm
thanks.. this is good feedback will work on your suggestions..

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