"flawed as discussed as follows."....as discussed below would be better, if at all, you sidh to write it this way. But, I would suggest, give a starting line as to why do u think there is a flaw in first paragraph itself.
"However there is no substantial information to state that the population of people who took part in the poll are the same." Do you think use of "population" is appropriate. Better to use NUMBER.
As I have mentioned in few of my previous posts, I feel that use of words "Firstly", "Secondly" etc isnt mature way of writting. This is my personal opinion. So, if you think there is nothing wrong, pls go ahead.
"decrease in people attending art museums". Again, you must have learnt in SC section while preparing, "People can not decrease....there "numbers" can.."
Again, just a thought, I feel "Visiting art museum" is better than "attending".
"In summary the author’s conclusion "...better to use "To summarize..."
These are few mistakes/suggestions that I have identified. Else, the content is fine.
"However there is no substantial information to state that the population of people who took part in the poll are the same." Do you think use of "population" is appropriate. Better to use NUMBER.
As I have mentioned in few of my previous posts, I feel that use of words "Firstly", "Secondly" etc isnt mature way of writting. This is my personal opinion. So, if you think there is nothing wrong, pls go ahead.
"decrease in people attending art museums". Again, you must have learnt in SC section while preparing, "People can not decrease....there "numbers" can.."
Again, just a thought, I feel "Visiting art museum" is better than "attending".
"In summary the author’s conclusion "...better to use "To summarize..."
These are few mistakes/suggestions that I have identified. Else, the content is fine.
