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Manhattan guide for SC: (concision)-usage of “Even though&

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Manhattan guide for SC: (concision)-usage of “Even though&

by rishijhawar » Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:50 am
Original sentence: A bottle of red wine was ordered by Grant, even though Marie had had the expectation that he would be placing an order for a bottle of white wine.

Revised sentence: Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, even though Marie had expected him to order a bottle of white wine.

Question:
1) Can I replace "even though' with "while/where as".
2) Also, I am not too comfortable using "had expected" as we don't know the time gap between when Marie expected Grant to order a white whine and when Grant actually placed an order. It could be as short as two minutes and as such I think use of had is redundant.
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by rishijhawar » Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:28 pm
Guys, any takers:)
rishijhawar wrote:Original sentence: A bottle of red wine was ordered by Grant, even though Marie had had the expectation that he would be placing an order for a bottle of white wine.

Revised sentence: Grant ordered a bottle of red wine, even though Marie had expected him to order a bottle of white wine.

Question:
1) Can I replace "even though' with "while/where as".
2) Also, I am not too comfortable using "had expected" as we don't know the time gap between when Marie expected Grant to order a white whine and when Grant actually placed an order. It could be as short as two minutes and as such I think use of had is redundant.
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by nileshdalvi » Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:53 am
While is also a subordinating conjunction similar to eventhough, however eventhough puts more emphasis on the contrast than while. Also, while will make two clauses occur at the same time which would result in removal of had expected.

Grant ordered something, while Mary expected him to order something else.

Here while wont so strongly express a contrast. In fact, while does not express contrast. It expresses time relation of the two clauses. "expected ...something else" does the job of mentioning contrast. Even though adds that extra stress in the contrast. Also, I feel that expectation happens before the action so I feel you should keep away "while"

whereas is a co-ordinating conjunction, so it might not fit in this case. It wont support the contrast.

Hope this helps.
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