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Requesting Essay Feedback - Issue Analysis

Expert replies

Essay Rating

Poll ended at Sun Mar 21, 2010 9:05 am

1
0
No votes
2
0
No votes
3
1
100%
4
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No votes
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Total votes: 1

by kiranbn » Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:05 am
"The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

Increased profits are to functional corporations what hefty paychecks are to competent individuals. A motivational factor, if carefully harnessed can significantly contribute to national welfare.

Increased profits can help a corporation expand locally, regionally and nationally resulting in the creation of jobs that most economies depend on. Thriving capitalistic societies, that form today's example of developed nations, are also due to the profitable and functional corporations that drive innovation.

A corporation's desire to maximize profits must be carefully watched and governed but it is this very desire and its manifestation that distinguishes a corporation. . Today's regulatory and compliance environment promises to govern this primary motivating factor while ensuring that corporations continue to drive innovation, embolden the marketplace and generate employment.

Take the example of a certain country's financial services industry - the downfall of certain major players in the industry stalled the country's economy and the nation's short term outlook. The converse was also true. For the same country being considered, decades earlier, a thriving manufacturing industry not only saw the country recover from major economic debacles, but also saw the country develop beyond imaginable boundaries.

Corporations have a desire to maximize profits and this desire alone does not create conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large. On the contrary, the desire to maximize profits can uniquely position a corporation to play a significant role in the welfare of a nation at large.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by eliazashin » Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:56 pm
Kiran, I've estimated your score for this Issue Essay as a 3. Comments:

1. Overall, you're on the right track. You're following directions and using a 5-paragraph template (Intro-Body-Conclusion).

2. Be sure to communicate your position clearly in your Intro.

3. Use one specific, well developed example to back up each of your reasons for your position (one reason/one example for each Body paragraph).

4. Good job reiterating your position in your Conclusion paragraph.

5. Above all else, focus on CLARITY in your writing. When you say "a certain country's financial services industry" and "certain major players" in paragraph 4, you're not being as clear (or as specific) as you could be. Don't assume any prior knowledge on the part of the grader.

On 3/8, my feature article will be on how to write the Issue Essay, so check it out! Hope the above critique helps.

-Elia Zashin, GMAT Trainer, The Princeton Review
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