Analysis of an Issue ! Need FEEDBACK.. PLease!

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In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behaviour. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.

In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

In my view, the extent to which television or radio programmes should be censored by the government or other group depends on the answers to the following questions. One, are uncensored television or radio programmes major causes for offensive language or behaviour? Two, will the government or other groups be successful in preventing access to programmes with offensive language or behaviour?

To answer the first question, I believe that there are so many other factors that influence an individual’s behaviour far more than the what television or radio programmes do. For example, from our own personal experience and what we see today, one of the main reasons which influence the behaviour of the youth is peer pressure. The reason children or the youth chose to do certain things is mainly to be accepted by their peers and very little because of what they see on television or hear on radio. So, if their peer group used offensive language or behaviour, there is a good chance that an individual will do the same. Also, it is clearly the individual’s choice to be influenced or not and an individual with strong values will not let anything negative affect their behaviour.

To answer the second question, even if the local government or a group successfully censored programmes, individuals, if they want to, can get access to uncensored versions of the same programs on the internet, which the government has little or no control over. This would make the efforts taken by the government futile.

In conclusion, the extent of censorship is insignificant as there are other factors that are more significant in influencing an individual’s behaviour and it is ultimately comes down to the individual and his choices.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by myohmy » Thu May 14, 2009 11:09 am
Overall your essay is good. I would shy away from including questions in your "thesis statement" so to speak -- the sentence might sound better if you wrote something like:

In my view, the extent to which television or radio programmes should be censored by the government or other group depends upon whether uncensored television or radio programmes are major causes for offensive language or behaviour, as well as whether the government or other groups are successful in preventing access to programmes with offensive language or behaviour.


Your points are good as is the structure. You should utilize some specific real world examples, from current events, history, literature, etc. in each paragraph, as opposed to the hypothetical situations you include now. You're making sweeping generalizations about humanities, and getting a little more specific would really help your essay.

I would probably also include either one more point or one counterargument, since your essay seems a little short.

Good luck!

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