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change one important thing about your hometown

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by vr4indian » Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:34 am
I am from X. It is small, beautiful and heritage town of my country. It is very well developed town and has many systems to cater its citizen. But as we all know and understand that society needs to evolve and we cannot stay in old time. So we need to keep our self-city- in sync with whatever latest happening around us which can help to improve our daily life style. Actually there are many things that I would like to change in my hometown but one that I would like to put on top priority is Transport system. We need major changes in current transport system. I have several reasons to support my view and they are as below.

First of all, my hometown is making progress in leaps and bounds. Many industries' base is located in my town. We do have highest birthrate and population is growing at very rapid pace. As it is old town, it has old transport system. Our transport system is not able to meet current requirement of mass transport. It's on verge of becoming city from town. People needs to travel a lot, say from north most part to south most part of city to reach their work place. As roads are narrow and full of potholes, it is causing massive traffic jam during rush hours. People have to spend around 2-3 hours in travelling. If we have better roads than we can save these hours and can utilize in other useful activities.

Second, as people are earning more now a days, they tends to own a car or personal vehicle for communicating. This has lead to air pollution, noise pollution and other pollution. Moreover they are occupying more space on road and creating more traffic problem. So I wish that our transport system needs to upgrade and it needs to introduce more public transport system like Bus service, Metro Rail. Introduction of this system will help to reduce pollution and will provide cheaper way of communication.

There are lots of other benefits that I can see as effect and implementation of this change. So I would insist that my town needs this change desperately.

---------------

Please review it and suggest area of impovemization
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by shadowsjc » Sat Sep 12, 2009 4:49 pm
hi - please see my comments in your other essay, as they apply here as well. you need to minimize your grammatical errors in order to improve your essay. at the same time, this will help your verbal score, so it will have an added benefit.

also, avoid colloquial terms in your essay whenever possible. for example 'leaps and bounds' should not be used in the essay... same with using "lots" in your conclusion.
my GMAT debrief: https://www.beatthegmat.com/came-through ... 44327.html

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right, but it will not come near you.

- Psalm 91: 5-7
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