Hey,
I am a non-native speaker, im thinking of doing the GMAT soon but the AWA is holding me back because im not sure im ready yet.
please give me some advises about my writing and score my article.
btw - I used burnedchinese template.
Thanks a million.
AWA question:
AWA question:
The recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. In order to rectify the burgeoning growth of crime that threatens the community, the city council must address this issue seriously. Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs.
My essay:
The argument claims that the recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is due to a shortage of police officers and lack of leadership on the part of the city council .Hence, the city council must double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality and job opportunity are a waste of time and do not have any connection with the recent surge in violence .This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. For example, the argument does not take into consideration the possibility that the violence is due to reasons such as lack of job opportunities and education quality. The argument could have been much clearer if the writer could show information that the recent surge in violence does not have to do with such peripheral issues.
Second, the argument claims that doubling the police force would help lower the violence levels in the city. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between the size of a police force in a city and the rate of violence in that city. For instance, it is possible that the police force is already very large but suffers from inefficiency. If the argument had provided evidence that doubling the size of the police force would decrease the violence levels in the city than the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, more detailed information would be helpful in order to evaluate the relevance of the argument. Is doubling the city's police force the best solution to the surge in violence? How does the police force currently handles the surge? What steps is the city's council currently taking?. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts, discuss the efficiency of the current police force, give more information about the people committing these violent crimes and their reasons. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
I am a non-native speaker, im thinking of doing the GMAT soon but the AWA is holding me back because im not sure im ready yet.
please give me some advises about my writing and score my article.
btw - I used burnedchinese template.
Thanks a million.
AWA question:
AWA question:
The recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. In order to rectify the burgeoning growth of crime that threatens the community, the city council must address this issue seriously. Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs.
My essay:
The argument claims that the recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is due to a shortage of police officers and lack of leadership on the part of the city council .Hence, the city council must double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.
First, the argument readily assumes that peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality and job opportunity are a waste of time and do not have any connection with the recent surge in violence .This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. For example, the argument does not take into consideration the possibility that the violence is due to reasons such as lack of job opportunities and education quality. The argument could have been much clearer if the writer could show information that the recent surge in violence does not have to do with such peripheral issues.
Second, the argument claims that doubling the police force would help lower the violence levels in the city. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between the size of a police force in a city and the rate of violence in that city. For instance, it is possible that the police force is already very large but suffers from inefficiency. If the argument had provided evidence that doubling the size of the police force would decrease the violence levels in the city than the argument would have been a lot more convincing.
Finally, more detailed information would be helpful in order to evaluate the relevance of the argument. Is doubling the city's police force the best solution to the surge in violence? How does the police force currently handles the surge? What steps is the city's council currently taking?. Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts, discuss the efficiency of the current police force, give more information about the people committing these violent crimes and their reasons. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
