Today, after work, I sat back and reflected on the year that is now behind me. It has really been a year of applications. I began my journey in January, when I began studying for the GMAT. Studying for the GMAT was like having a second job. I came home from work - around 6 PM - and sat down to study for the GMAT around 7:15 PM - after a workout (one thing that kept me sane). I would end my studying around 10 PM, watch the news, slap some food for the next day at work, and go to bed at 11 PM. I did this from January until the end of July. Let us not forget my absolute failure at the beginning of the process, when I scored 480 and 490, which I thought pretty much ended my graduate school ambitions there and then. I then rose into the 700s, to settle at a double 640.
While doing this, I also tried to maintain my participation in a program through which I volunteered with children from underprivileged families. I knew that these children needed my attention, and so I continued to help them every week until the end of the school year - for them - in June.
In May, my grandfather had a terrible stroke, which debilitated him tremendously. My family and I went through ups and downs and then some ups, before finally accepting the fact that he would not recover, and that every day brought him - and us - closer to the inevitable. I had to make all of the arrangements while he was at the hospitals and bombard the nurses from my telephone at work so that they would take better care of my grandfather and stop yelling at a grandmother who does not speak much English. I did this, by the way, while trying to keep my mind focused on math problems that I tried to solve during lunch. I also had to keep focused when he passed, and juggled a busy schedule as my family descended on our homes from around the world, at the end of June.
In July, I resumed my studies (I also visited Boston College and Bentley for a week in August), and retook the GMAT in September to a repeated result; I did not exactly care that much by then. I moved on to my essays, at the end of September; I am sure some will share my terror of looking into the abyss of a blank, white screen. While writing and rewriting my essays - each suffered through at least 8 or 9 drafts - I visited and kept on top of all of my recommenders - eventually getting screwed by one and looking for another.
While all of this was taking place, my fiance dutifully left me alone and swallowed words when I snapped from a lack of sleep, frustration with the state of my GMAT affairs, or when I simply came to pass by her the way one does by a vase or a chair. I owe much to her, and even more to her patience.
In early December, I found myself dealing with what felt like an anxiety attack as I pondered my-then upcoming interview at Kenan-Flagler. .
Needless to say, the whole experience has been filled with emotions that I sometimes did not know the names for to describe. It was filled with anger, frustration, grief, euphoria, sadness, and ultimately happiness and tranquility. When I look on my accomplishments thus far, I feel proud and rewarded. I do not look forward with thoughts of monterary reward and new status. Instead, I look forward, knowing that I will be able to weather anything that comes my way over the next year and thereon, given the determination I sometimes surprised myself with last year.
My point in writing this is to say that while much might stand in the way and it sometimes feels like you are doing all of this for a CHANCE not a certainty, but a chance that you perhaps, possibly, maybe, somehow might be accepted to one of the schools you would like to join. I say, keep at it. Do not let anything get you down; of course, you will. However, you need to get back on that horse and let it throw you off ten more times, but you must master it - to the best of your ability.
It is far better to fail, knowing that you gave it your best. Believe me, you do not want to look back and think that you really could have done better, but you just let the setbacks get the best of you.
Good luck to all.
