Please Help Me Beat the GMAT (Please analyze my essay!)

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Hello, first post, hopefully I can get the hang of this and help others do so as well. Thank you once again for your attention and consideration!

Please feel free to criticize away. My GMAT is scheduled for early May and obviously I want to do really well. Thanks again!


Prompt:"Consumers need to be protected from companies that make deceptive claims in their advertising. However, companies should always be allowed to make truthful claims, even if those claims could be misunderstood by some consumers."


In current American society, the consumer is the driving force for the success of many companies. These companies not only sell their products to consumers, the reputation and the success of their business is highly dependant on positive consumer feedback and loyalty. However, many companies neglect their consumers in various ways, including making false claims. One such industry is the beauty product industry.

Beauty product companies rely on women to purchase their products once and then continue to use their product, try mulitple products in their line, and of course tell their friends to buy the product. But often times, their products do not necessarily work. The image that beauty product companies in magazine and television ads show thier product to not only work, but work extremely well. This is often not the case in real life. If there were protection for the consumer, and a penalty or the company, American businesses and society would benefit in three ways: companies would be better because they would be forced to make better products, consumers would be saved from wasting money and consumers would have a better self-worth.

Currently, beauty product companies are able to create products and market them to women, even if the products do not necessarily work. If there were consumer protection advocating for comsumers, beauty product companies would be forced to make better products. For example, now a company can make a face cream that claims to reverse wrinkles, when it's just not true. If there were consumer protection, companies would be forced to reevaluate their product, make it better by using quaility ingredients, and sell them knowing it works. If they make a claim, and back it up with a quality product, their image would be saved. This would lead to more loyal customers, which would benefit their business.

If there were consumer protection, a great benefit would be that consumers would not have to waste money on products that didn't work. Some products are hundreds of dollars that ultimately do not work. Beauty products are trial and error for most women, meaning they have to buy the products and hope it works for them. These products are also items that cannot be returned in most stores because they are used and stores are not able to resell them. The products and consumers' money are wasted, when it could be redistributed to more important things, or even products that they know will work and they are willing to spend more money for.

Another reason that consumers should have a right to the truth is because advertising from beauty products in magazines and television have become so unrealistic. With the advent and strong use of Photoshop, beauty companies are able to give consumers and unrealistic picture of what the product does. For example, wrinkle creams show in their ads perfectly flawless skin on older women. This is just not possible. Their ""before and after"" pictures are often so drastically different that no wrinkle cream could ever make such a difference. This affects the psychological well-being of American women. This can lead to pscychological issues about ones' image and self-worth. Often times women resort to anorexia or bulima to look similar to images in ads, which are not even real to begin with.

Companies should be allowed to make truthful claims, even if they can be misunderstood by consumers. Consumers value honesty. If a company claimed their wrinkle cream only reduced 20% of wrinkes, versus claming it reduces 80% of wrinkles, consumers would find value in the truth. They would respect a company that markets the truth, not a false claim. Afterall, the reputation of a company is as valuable as its products.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by Brent@GMATPrepNow » Thu Apr 19, 2012 5:59 am
A couple of important points:

1) Always use official prompts when writing essays. This is not an official prompt. Moreover, it's a bad prompt because it has two different issues.
If you use an official prompt, and if you're lucky, that same prompt could appear on test day and you will have already written an essay on it!

2) Tell me your position in the first paragraph.

3) I never really understood what your position was in this essay. This isn't entirely your fault since the prompt asks you to take 2 positions (1. Consumers need to be protected from companies that make deceptive claims and 2. Companies should always be allowed to make truthful claims, even if those claims could be misunderstood by some consumers.)

4. Keep reminding me of your position. With every example and analogy, bring me back to your position (i.e., "Given X, Y and X, my position is the correct one.")


The writing in this essay is good. However, you need to remind me where you stand.

Cheers,
Brent
Brent Hanneson - Creator of GMATPrepNow.com
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by NoOne » Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:25 am
Thank you very much for your help. Those are great points I'll implement as I prepare for this test.

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