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My first post! Would appreciate feedback on issue analysis

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by ymohiuddin » Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:05 pm
Hi folks. I discovered this site a while ago and find it very useful. I am guilty of neglecting the writing assignments in my daily practice, mostly because I know Data Sufficiency is my real weak point that needs lots of practice. But also, I'm afraid I may be slightly overconfident of my writing skills because of my educational and professional background. So I'd really appreciate it if someone could take a glance at this and let me know if I'm on the right track. I followed Kaplan's guide. I personally find AOI a bit easier than AOA, which I have yet to try out. Thanks!

Analysis of an issue

Some people believe that second-language fluency is crucial to individual development and international accord, and maintain that language training should begin very early. Others feel that second-language fluency is not necessary to most Americans, and that elementary school should be devoted to basic skills.

Which argument do you find more compelling, the case for early foreign language learning or the opposing viewpoint? Explain your position using relevant reasons or examples drawn fro your own experience, observations, or reading.


In bilingual Canada, where students are introduced to the French language in elementary school, the results of early second language training are obvious. Even those who do not continue studying French into high school have a basic understanding of the language. The question specifically asks about the United States - however, there are benefits to immersing children in another tongue regardless of whether a country is unilingual or multilingual.

First, many countries in the world such as India and Belgium have more than one official language. Exposing people to the different languages spoken by citizens will not only enable them to communicate with one another easily, but create a sense of national harmony and cultural understanding. As well, government jobs in such countries generally require people to have a solid command of both or more of these official languages, which leads to the next point.

The personal and professional rewards of introducing new languages to people at a young age are countless. There are more opportunities to work, live and study abroad, thereby enriching the quality of these experiences, particularly in such a globalized world where boundaries are increasingly blurred.

Additionally, the argument that Americans do not need to bother learning other languages overlooks a major statistic. With Latinos representing the largest minority in the country - not to mention a crucial vote bank and work force - it is becoming more important for ordinary people, politicians and employers to be able to reach out to this community. A firm grasp of Spanish would go a long way in achieving this goal.

Of course, learning is a lifelong adventure and many people learn new languages as they grow older, either out of interest or necessity. But studies have shown that children exposed to ideas at a young age absorb them more quickly than adults, and will retain those skills through continued practice.

Therefore, rather than being considered alien to "basic skills" such as arithmetic and science, second language education should be viewed as an essential component of a comprehensive and well-rounded upbringing. The ability to effectively communicate in more than one language has never been considered a drawback.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by grockit_andrea » Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:40 pm
This is a pretty good essay, in that your writing is solid; you have a strong command of grammar and syntax. I think a few changes to your organization would improve the essay as a whole, however.
You don't have a clearly stated position until the final paragraph. Your introductory paragraph does say that there are benefits to learning a second language, but the definitive statement of your opinion comes in the first sentence of your concluding paragraph. Opening your essay with a thesis sentence that gives an unambiguous statement of your position makes the rest of the essay easier to follow.
A good paragraph in this kind of essay will have a topic sentence and at least two other sentences supporting it. Some of your paragraphs here only have two sentences, and the first sentence doesn't always make the paragraph's main point clear. For instance, your second paragraph opens by mentioning two countries in which more than one language is spoken. But since the issue seems to be focused on America, the relevance of those two countries is unclear until later in the paragraph, when (I think) you refer to the idea of being employed overseas.
As someone with a strong writing background, I have the nasty habit of sitting down and writing without organizing my points beforehand. In a lot of contexts, that works out fine; on the GMAT, where structure and organization are key, though, it can be a problem. I might be totally off-base about your approach to this, but your writing reminded me of the kind of essay I would write if I didn't use a template for organization. I would probably give this a 4, although some people might score it as high as a 5; more of a focus on organizing the main points of the essay in a structured style would raise the score.
Andrea A.
Grockit Tutor
https://www.grockit.com
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by ymohiuddin » Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:00 pm
Hi Andrea. Thank you so much for taking the time to read over my essay. You're absolutely right - I basically just took five minutes to brainstorm all of the points without bothering to organize them. This was my first stab at an AWA so I will definitely take your advice into consideration the next time around. Normally with academic papers and other writing assignments I do have a template, but as usual with the GMAT I was distracted by the thought of running out of time. All the more reason to keep practicing. Thanks again!
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