Hi all, if someone can provide feedback on my essay, it would be very helpful. I've used template from AWA forum. Thank you for your valuable response.
AWA Question:
The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine on lifestyles.
"Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish."
In my response:
In the preceding statement, the author cites that City L was recorded 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. The author concludes that this information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish. On the first sight this seems to be the obvious solution; however, on a closer look the author's argument is not only flawed but also unconvincing as it stands.
First of all, the author cites that City L was recorded 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. Nevertheless, the author has not provided any information of how the survey was carried out, who were the respondents, and what was the duration of study that is whether the study carried out for 1 or 2 days or for 1 or 2 years or may be even more. The author has not presented further information whether the results of the study are representative and whether it applies to all the cities in the state.
Second, the author cites that the rank of Cities by the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. But the author has merely provided the relative comparison by comparing the quality of life in City L to that of other cities in the state. Perhaps the quality of life in City L is much more than that of other cities in the state and the environment is much safer than that of other cities in the state. It can perhaps be the case that the schools in the City L are much better that of other cities in the state. The author has not provided any information on the quality of life in City L. The author should provide more information to bolster her point.
Finally, the author concludes that the annual survey will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish. But the author has not provided any information whether the people who are moving to this city are getting better opportunities than the people who are moving to other cities in the state. If the people who are not moving to this city are getting bigger and better opportunities than the people who are moving to this city, the people will find other cities more attractive than the city.
In sum, the author's argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands. Had it included the aforementioned points the author would have not only strengthened and bolstered his argument but also would have made her argument more persuasive and convincing.
AWA Question:
The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine on lifestyles.
"Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish."
In my response:
In the preceding statement, the author cites that City L was recorded 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. The author concludes that this information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish. On the first sight this seems to be the obvious solution; however, on a closer look the author's argument is not only flawed but also unconvincing as it stands.
First of all, the author cites that City L was recorded 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. Nevertheless, the author has not provided any information of how the survey was carried out, who were the respondents, and what was the duration of study that is whether the study carried out for 1 or 2 days or for 1 or 2 years or may be even more. The author has not presented further information whether the results of the study are representative and whether it applies to all the cities in the state.
Second, the author cites that the rank of Cities by the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. But the author has merely provided the relative comparison by comparing the quality of life in City L to that of other cities in the state. Perhaps the quality of life in City L is much more than that of other cities in the state and the environment is much safer than that of other cities in the state. It can perhaps be the case that the schools in the City L are much better that of other cities in the state. The author has not provided any information on the quality of life in City L. The author should provide more information to bolster her point.
Finally, the author concludes that the annual survey will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish. But the author has not provided any information whether the people who are moving to this city are getting better opportunities than the people who are moving to other cities in the state. If the people who are not moving to this city are getting bigger and better opportunities than the people who are moving to this city, the people will find other cities more attractive than the city.
In sum, the author's argument is not persuasive and convincing as it stands. Had it included the aforementioned points the author would have not only strengthened and bolstered his argument but also would have made her argument more persuasive and convincing.
