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Please review my essay :) [Frozen Foods]

Expert replies
by Elena Plescan » Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:39 am
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods:
"Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.
The author's argument that the long experience that Olympic Foods has in processing frozen foods will allow it to decrease costs and thus increased profits is flawed. Though the arguments seems valid at first glance, it fails to explain how decreasing costs will maximize profits and, what is more important, why does the author assume that the principle of an organization's costs decreasing with experience will apply in the specific case of Olympic Foods.
First, the author assumes that if Olympic Foods will manage to decrease costs it will automatically maximize its profits. However, this statement is unsupported since profit is determined by two variables - cost and sale price. For example, if the cost decreases by 10% and the selling price stays constant, then company's profits will increase. Conversely, if the cost decreases by 10%, but the company is forced to drop its selling price by 50%, then the profits will decrease dramatically despite the drop in cost. Also, the author is using a very strong language, by claiming that the stated principle should "maximize" the profits, without stating whether the cost decrease is the best way to increase profits.
Secondly, the author puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that the stated principle must apply to Olympic Foods, when, in fact, it's not clear how are these companies similar. Moreover, the author fails to explain if the "things" that are learned in food processing industry play an essential role in decreasing the production cost or time. For example, in color film processing the cost might be determined by the speed at which a professional works. If in time the worked learns to be faster and fulfill more commands this might decrease the price of photo processing. However, this might not necessarily work in food processing where the speed of processing doesn't play an essential role.
In conclusion, the argument as stated by the author is not particularly strong and fails to convey why Olympic Foods should benefit from increased costs this coming year. The author should strengthen the conclusion by elucidating the exact reason behind the photo processing cost decrease and explaining why this would apply in food processing. Also, the author should provide evidence that decreasing cost is the best way to increase profits.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Sat Mar 07, 2015 4:28 pm
Hello Elena,

Overall I thought that this was a strong response. More specific comments are below.

Writing: Make sure to leave a few minutes to review your essay before submitting it. I think that you'd catch some of these errors if you took a second look at your work. In general your sentences get pretty long and complicated, so make sure that you're getting your point across to the reader. In the first paragraph, "increased" should be "increase." "Arguments" should be "argument" (especially because you have a singular verb). In the third paragraph, "worked" should be "worker."

Structure: I think that you could shorten your intro a tiny bit so it's clear to the reader that you understand the prompt. Go through and tighten up some of those early sentences. The body paragraphs were both strong. The conclusion was specific to this prompt and restated why the argument wasn't good.

Arguments/Examples: I liked how you used both qualitative and quantitative examples in your body paragraphs. You clearly understood the essay question and found reasons why it was invalid.

Suggestions for Improvement: Other than the writing errors and a lengthy intro, this was a great essay: I'd put it in the 5-5.5 range. I suggest that you write one more essay and then study other areas of the exam. Pay attention to careless writing errors!
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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