Hi there,

I hold no expertise in evaluating the Essays, but from what I read, I thought that you may have missed the point- "contrast between present day students who cannot express themselves through their writing abilities in quantitative thinking (even though they have personal computers) and yesteryear students who were able to express themselves. But present students are able to express themselves creatively."

In addition, it would be great if you can avoid the biasness by presenting your view-points in terms of "he/she", when speaking on behalf of "him/her"

Good Luck.