-
tanviet
- Legendary Member
- Posts: 1404
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 6:55 pm
- Thanked: 18 times
- Followed by:2 members
in the light of the increasing percentage of our nation's population turning to the Internet as a source of reference material, Fern County should close the ancilliary branch of its public library, and convert that facility into a computer training center for use by county residents. the converted facility would fill what is certain to be a growing need among Fern resedents fro computer training. At the same time, since the county library's main branch already contains more volumes per resident than any other county library in the state, it will adequately serve the needs of Fern County residents. Moreover, Fern residents are sure to support this plan; after all, in nearby Mesa County only a few residents have objected to that country's plan to close all but one of its public libraries in the near future.
I write this essay with simple introduction and conclusion paragraphs and focus on finding out 3 points and analizing 3 points deeply because I am taught that idea is more important than languge in essays. in each body paragraph I 4 sentences
1-state error-assumption
2-explain the error
3-give CONCRETE example of error
4-how to strenghthen
please, rate my essay.
The commission concludes that the conversion of the ancilliary will brings many good things. I see that the conclusion is not sound because it ignores many assumption.
First, the argument assume that there will be a growing need for computer training because more and more persons turn to intenet. This is not clear. It is possible that even more and more person use internet, they do not need training at all. This happen because most persons already know how to use internet. For example, in my howtown, Hanoi, most person already know how to use internet and they do not need training when they begin to use internet. The argument will be more sound, if it shows that most persons need the training.
Second, argument asssume that main branch can serve the resident adequately because it contain more volumes per resident than any other main branch in the state. This is not convincing. It is possible that if that fact happens, the main libaraty can not serve the residents adaquately. In may home town, that fact happen. The main library have more volume per resident than other main library in the state. But, we do not have enough books for our resident. The argument will more certain if it shows that the number of books in the library is enough for the residents.
Third, the argument assume the the convert will receive support because the convert in Mesa receive support. The analogy is flawed. There is not similar things in the two places, which assure that the similar events will happen. in my town, person support higher tax while in other town, person object higher tax.. The argument will be better if it shows that the two places share the similar things which make the similar events happen.
In conclusion I see that the argument is not sound. It will be more strenthened if if show the evidence mentioned above.
I write this essay with simple introduction and conclusion paragraphs and focus on finding out 3 points and analizing 3 points deeply because I am taught that idea is more important than languge in essays. in each body paragraph I 4 sentences
1-state error-assumption
2-explain the error
3-give CONCRETE example of error
4-how to strenghthen
please, rate my essay.
The commission concludes that the conversion of the ancilliary will brings many good things. I see that the conclusion is not sound because it ignores many assumption.
First, the argument assume that there will be a growing need for computer training because more and more persons turn to intenet. This is not clear. It is possible that even more and more person use internet, they do not need training at all. This happen because most persons already know how to use internet. For example, in my howtown, Hanoi, most person already know how to use internet and they do not need training when they begin to use internet. The argument will be more sound, if it shows that most persons need the training.
Second, argument asssume that main branch can serve the resident adequately because it contain more volumes per resident than any other main branch in the state. This is not convincing. It is possible that if that fact happens, the main libaraty can not serve the residents adaquately. In may home town, that fact happen. The main library have more volume per resident than other main library in the state. But, we do not have enough books for our resident. The argument will more certain if it shows that the number of books in the library is enough for the residents.
Third, the argument assume the the convert will receive support because the convert in Mesa receive support. The analogy is flawed. There is not similar things in the two places, which assure that the similar events will happen. in my town, person support higher tax while in other town, person object higher tax.. The argument will be better if it shows that the two places share the similar things which make the similar events happen.
In conclusion I see that the argument is not sound. It will be more strenthened if if show the evidence mentioned above.
