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Please evaluate my essay..

Expert replies
by hey_thr67 » Tue Jul 19, 2011 4:27 am
ESSAY QUESTION:

The following appeared in an article in a human resources magazine:

"Six months ago, in an experiment aimed at boosting worker productivity, Company Z started providing free gourmet lunches to its employees. The Company hoped that these office lunches would encourage employees to remain in the building during lunch-hour and motivate employees to work harder throughout the day. A survey found that soon after the lunch program was implemented, the average number of hours worked by most Company Z employees increased dramatically. During this same period, the Company's profits also increased substantially. Thus, it is safe to say that the lunch program was a huge success and that Company Z should make the program permanent."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The arguments asserts that implementation of lunch program led to increase the profits of company. The argument is based on the premise that because the lunch program was able to reduce the average time spent on lunch, workers were able to spend more time on work. The argument assumes that number of average hours of work is directly correlated with the profits. Though the argument puts forth premises, these premises don't lead to a sound conclusion. I feel that the author of this article needs more information to support its contention.

The argument mentions two parallel events.First, lunch program was able to increase the average time of employees and second the company increased its profits during the same time. Without any significant information in it, the argument falsely concludes that one event led to other. It might be that these events are not related at all. In order to strengthen itself, the article has to negate all other causes.

The argument doesn't include any data on actual increase in number of hours. Even if the actual increase is substantial, it doesn't necessarily lead to equivalent increase in productivity. If the work in office is not substantial enough, no major increase in productivity will be observed. Also, the definition of productivity changes across different types of industries. For Ex: Unlike in manufacturing industry , in R & D employee spends more time on thinking and experimenting. He/She may necessarily not have to be in office for that.
The article doesn't mention the context of the discussion.

Also, assuming that only increase in productivity can be a cause of increase in profits is not justified. There are many other factors which can lead to increase in profits. For example, during recession, market conditions are not good and companies don't see increase in profits. In that scenario decrease in profits may affect the productivity of employee, giving no motivation to work.

Hence, I strongly feel that in order to substantiate itself, the argument needs to include more information and negate other factors that would make it less questionable.
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Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

by garima99 » Wed Jul 20, 2011 2:29 am
I feel that the conclusion is very weak.Try adding more examples you included only one.Try to produce flaws instead of saying that the argument does not give examples.
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by jenniferpass » Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:05 am
Try to add more examples.To search more about the topic.You can write good essay.
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by nandy1984 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:49 pm
hey_thr67 wrote:ESSAY QUESTION:

The following appeared in an article in a human resources magazine:

"Six months ago, in an experiment aimed at boosting worker productivity, Company Z started providing free gourmet lunches to its employees. The Company hoped that these office lunches would encourage employees to remain in the building during lunch-hour and motivate employees to work harder throughout the day. A survey found that soon after the lunch program was implemented, the average number of hours worked by most Company Z employees increased dramatically. During this same period, the Company's profits also increased substantially. Thus, it is safe to say that the lunch program was a huge success and that Company Z should make the program permanent."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The arguments asserts that implementation of lunch program led to increase the profits of company. The argument is based on the premise that because the lunch program was able to reduce the average time spent on lunch, workers were able to spend more time on work. The argument assumes that number of average hours of work is directly correlated with the profits. Though the argument puts forth premises, these premises don't lead to a sound conclusion. I feel that the author of this article needs more information to support its contention.

The argument mentions two parallel events.First, lunch program was able to increase the average time of employees and second the company increased its profits during the same time. Without any significant information in it, the argument falsely concludes that one event led to other. It might be that these events are not related at all. In order to strengthen itself, the article has to negate all other causes.

The argument doesn't include any data on actual increase in number of hours. Even if the actual increase is substantial, it doesn't necessarily lead to equivalent increase in productivity. If the work in office is not substantial enough, no major increase in productivity will be observed. Also, the definition of productivity changes across different types of industries. For Ex: Unlike in manufacturing industry , in R & D employee spends more time on thinking and experimenting. He/She may necessarily not have to be in office for that.
The article doesn't mention the context of the discussion.

Also, assuming that only increase in productivity can be a cause of increase in profits is not justified. There are many other factors which can lead to increase in profits. For example, during recession, market conditions are not good and companies don't see increase in profits. In that scenario decrease in profits may affect the productivity of employee, giving no motivation to work.

Hence, I strongly feel that in order to substantiate itself, the argument needs to include more information and negate other factors that would make it less questionable.
Hi, if this is you first attempt to write essays, its a good one according to me.
Some corrections like: Don't mention your feelings in Argument Essay. It has to be done in Issue essay ("I strongly feel that blah blah blah")
Search for some basic formats, you can get that in the AWA section of the beatthegmat. Once you are familiar with the format you can improvise on it.
I have read one article on how to write Argument essay this is what i remember.
Para1: Introduce what is discussed in the argument. At the end mention that its flawed for several reasons.
Para2: Attack the assumption. What the author assumes and how its flawed.
Para3: Mention if there are any reasons if the author has missed, which helps the argument.
Para4: Consolidate some points which will help to strengthen the argument.
Para5: Conclusion para (but do not involve sentences which give an impression that those are your personal opinions, rather talk about the argument).

I am not an expert but tried to help with what i know. So keep practicing... Bye
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