AWA toppic #144 - Please evaluate.

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Please rate my essay

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AWA toppic #144 - Please evaluate.

by thegmatexperience » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:52 pm
Hello,

another essay. Hope to get some critique!

Details:
non-native Englis speaker
522 words
Time: 30 min


The following appeared in a research paper written for an introductory economics course:

"For the past century, an increase in the number of residential building permits issued per month in a particular region has been a reliable indicator of coming improvements to that region's economy. If the monthly number of residential building permits issued rises consistently for a few months, the local unemployment rate almost always falls and economic production increases. This well-established connection reveals an effective method by which a regional government can end a local economic downturn: relax regulations governing all construction so that many more building permits can be issued."

Discuss how well reasoned . . .etc.



In the preceding statement, tha author claims that a local economic donwturn can be prevented by the government by relaxing regulations of building permits that are issued.
Though this claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, his argument of an economic improvement by the rise of building permits issued cannot be accepted as valid.

The primary issue with the author's reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises.
He states that in a particular region residential building permits issued per month have been a good indicator of the region's economic improvement. While that may be true the residential building permits could only be issued for people at the age of 80 years and more hardly contributing to the region's economy.
He also says that while a consistent, monthly increasing number of residential building permits issued was observed the unemoployment rate decreased almost always and the economic production rose. The above example is valid for this premise as well. Very old people who have stopped working for years may have purchased these permits and hardly contributed to the decrease of the unemployment rate of this particulr region.
The author's premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven.
He arguments that residential building permits are directly connected with a region's economic upturn. What the author doesn't point out is that an economic upturn in a region can have various factors. While the number of permits rises the government could also have subsidized a special key product for this reason so that there could have been an economic rally.
He also infers a decreasing unemployment rate from an increasing number of building permits. Again, unemployment rate is a complex concept and may have various factors like subsidy of particular companies or branches in this firm in order to increase employment.
The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between rising numbers of resdential building permits and an improvement of the region'S economy he assumes exist.

While the author has included various drawbacks into his argument's premises and assumptions, that is not to say that his entire argument is wihtout base.
If the author would have exemplified the improvement of economy like an increase of the regions GDP or named specific factors how the residential building permits issued could have led to an decrease of unemployment rate the author could have strengthened his statement.
Though there are several issues with the author's reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve his argument significantly.

In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid.
If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by kartikshah » Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:24 am
I'd argue on the following grounds:

(1) Historically, an increase in number of permits issued has indicated economic improvement. However we cannot determine whether issuance of permits boosted the region's economy, or whether an improving economic environment pushed the demand for permits upwards. The connection is in fact NOT well established.

(2) The premise that unemployment drops and economic production picks up is unsubstantiated.

(3) Even if the connection is established by means of a stronger evidence, why should laws for ALL construction be relaxed? If at all, only those laws governing residential buildings need to be revised.

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by thegmatexperience » Sat Jul 21, 2012 12:00 am
Dear kartikshah,

thank you for your reply. I reread the author's argument and analysed it again (I found some mistakes in my previous analysis regarding the assumptions.). I need to improve the structure of my argumentation.

would you agree on the following assumptions the author makes?

1) The issue of residential building permits leads to an improvement of the unemployment rate and an increase of economic production.

2) A higher issue of building permits of any kind can end an economic downturn.


I really appreciate your advice.

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by kartikshah » Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:14 am
Hi thegmatexperience,

I think in all AWA essays, DISAGREEING with the author gives us an opportunity to develop our own arguments. However, the idea is not so much to launch an ad hominem attack on the writer as much it is to present a well-reasoned critique of his argument. So, yes, I would question the two assumptions highlighted by you:

(1) Let us assume that there IS indeed some positive correlation between residential land permits, and unemployment rates and economic production. But the author simply states this fact. He neither provides any evidence nor explains this correlation. In the absence of a clear explanation, his assumption becomes questionable and his argument becomes weak.

(2) As I mentioned in an earlier post, we do not know about the exact connection between issue of residential building permits and economic downturn. Does economic downturn end when you start issuing higher residential permits? Or, does an end in economic crisis lead to a higher demand for permits thereby causing more permits to be issued? The author fails to clearly explain which one has an impact on the other! For instance, it could very well be true that when economic downturn begins to reverse, unemployment decreases, economic production increases, people have more monies at their disposal to buy a house and hence the demand for housing begins to rise. This demand, in turn, leads to a increase in the numbers of residential permits issued.

As you can see, this is my assumption and because I wanted to justify my theory, I explained my assumptions. It is quite possible that I'm completely wrong. But to prove my theory wrong, someone would have to come up with a better theory and argument! That's the whole point in AWA essays. The author's theory could be right! But he does not communicate his assumptions clearly and my job as a test taker is to signal the weakness in his argument ! That's it.

Hope that helps!

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by thegmatexperience » Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:32 am
Ok, I totally agree with your post.
But then, could you clearly define your critique on my essay?
What don't you like? What can I improve? What is good? Why did you give me a 4?

That would also really help a lot. Thanks for the effort.

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by kartikshah » Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:35 pm
Sure!
I have sent you a word file with a detailed critique. Have a look!
I hope that helps :-)

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