Please rate the essay

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Please rate the Essay

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Please rate the essay

by naiksantosh1 » Tue May 12, 2009 8:38 am
Issue - “When someone achieves greatness in any field — such as the arts, science, politics, or business — that person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults.”



The author has mentioned that greatness in field of arts, science, politics or business is more important than any of other personal faults of the person. I am not agree with author's view on the issue.

The author is right that personal greatness in field is important. The greatness in field can not achieve without substantial efforts in fields. It requires dedicated efforts, concentration and commitment to goal. However, we can not ignore the person's faults because person is successful. As person becomes the great, he or she becomes role model for many students who follow him or her in the field. If we ignore the person’s mistake because he or she is successful, then it will give worng message to society. This is not beneficial to health of society. It gives wrong impressions to many those who would like to follow the same path in the field. For example, actress Paris Hilton is outstanding actress and singer but she has done multiple driving volitions. The law can not ignore her personal crimes because she is outstanding actress. Similarly, Australian bowler Shane Warne is known for his achievements in cricket. But we can not ignore his off field acts those are against the law.

Some may argue that achivements are important than the faults because achivements are not easy to accomplish in life. But they are wrong. We can not give more impotance to achievements over faults. In everyday life, can we ignore doctors' mistake because they save life? No. The faults remain faults, even though whatever you do to well beings of the society. Our society does not permit to have different course of action based on the person's status and success. This is important for well being of the society. It gives sense of equality in society.

In conclusion, I agree that personal achievement are not easy in any field but we can not ignore person's mistake because he or she is great in particular field. In society, we have to give equal importance to greatness and faults as both are the two sides of same coin.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by myohmy » Tue May 12, 2009 6:14 pm
It seems like your essay would be well served by leaving some time to proofread -- you have several typos and instances of awkward phrasing that render the essay difficult to read.

I think you could also expand on your real world examples: when you talk about Paris Hilton, you explain that the law doesn't ignore her personal faults (though I don't think "driving violations" is a good example of a personal fault -- I would rephrase it to "poor judgment" or "irresponsibility") but the question is not asking about the law ignoring personal faults, but rather, society as a whole. I think you could utilize your earlier point about role models here -- if we ignore her personal faults, then young girls who look up to her think it is acceptable to behave like her.

Your second paragraph has no real world example, just a hypothetical one. Usually, it's better to have at least one real-world example per paragraph, either from your own life or current events.

I would also include transitionary phrases between sentences, even if they are simply, "First..." and "Second..."

Good luck!

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