GMAT Essays (AWA)

I will greatly appreciate if my Argument Essay as follows is graded with comments.

Group #2: Analysis of Argument

In recent years, Braeburn Corporation has seen lagging sales of its food products. Just a few of the many food products Braeburn sells are soy products. Soy products have been shown to reduce rates of cancer. Because people care about reducing their risk of cancer, Braeburn should increase manufacturing of soy products. This will help Braeburn Corporation improve sales and increase profits.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

The author states that since soy products have been shown to reduce cancer
and since people care about reducing their risk of cancer, Braeburn
Corporation should increase manufacturing of soy products to improve sales
and increase profits. Stated this way, this argument has inherent flaws in its
reasoning. It does not clearly state the importance of specific soy products in
reducing risk of cancer. Also, the conclusion is based on questionable
assumptions and not on solid evidence. Moreover, the argument does not
consider several key factors while predicting the strategy for Braeburn
Corporation.

The very first flaw noticed in this argument is the vague mention of soy
products towards reducing rates of cancer. It is not clearly stated whether a
specific soy product reduces the rates of cancer or all soy products do. Also,
the argument states that soy products have been shown to reduce rates of
cancer, whereas people care about reducing their risk of cancer. These two
statements do not say the same thing. One talks about reducing rates of
cancer, the other talks about reducing risk of cancer. Without additional
information, one can not be sure of the implications of these statements and
the conclusion remains unsupported.

Secondly, the argument assumes that people's concern about reducing their
risk of cancer directly indicates increased sales of soy products. Just because
soy products have been shown to reduce rates of cancer does not lead to a
conclusion that there will be huge market demand for soy products. Soy
products are probably not the only product that has some effect towards
reducing rates of cancer. People who care about their risk of cancer may
choose among all the different options available in the market. Thus, the
conclusion is based on a questionable assumption and is not fully justified.

Moreover, the argument does not consider the implications of introducing new
soy products into the market, It does not provide any information about the
existing market demand for soy products or the market leaders who already
manufacture a major share of the soy products. While it may be possible for
Braeburn Corporation to start manufacturing soy products, it may not
necessarily end in increased sales or profits. They may need to offer
discounted prices for their soy products to gain entry into an existing market,
eventually leading to little or no profit and thereby defeating the purpose of this
strategy.

Finally, the argument does not say anything about the actual reasons behind
the recent trend of lagging sales of Braeburn Corporation's food products.
There may be various factors behind this reduced sale, including poor quality
control, inefficient machineries, improper labor management etc. If further
informations are available on these possible reasons, appropriate and
feasible countermeasures may be explored to improve sales and thereby
increase profits.

Although the argument has some merit in its line of reasoning, it clearly needs
to provide additional informations in order to be properly evaluated. Also, it
needs to address the assumptions which affect its conclusion, by supplying
evidence and facts.