EXPERTS RATE MY ESSAY!!! PLEASE

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EXPERTS RATE MY ESSAY!!! PLEASE

by [email protected] » Sat Apr 05, 2014 10:42 pm
AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Argument
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:

"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument presented above omits few important concerns that must be addressed.Though the author's claim may have some merit, but the argument is very poorly presented.The argument not only has unsubstantiated premises and conclusion ,but also has few evidences to support the conclusion. The author in the argument simply points out the changes that will be brought in the current years's school program from the previous year's school program rather than presenting how the changes and why the changes will make the school earn more profit.
The primary problem in the argument presented above is that the author makes few assumptions that have no basis and that are unproven. The author assumes that the people ,who were to go to the fest, have the paying capacity to pay for the high entrance fee. But if those people rejects to go to the fest due to the high entrance fee, then the conclusion will fall. The author also assumes that the people,who were to go to the fest,like international food. What if those people have no liking for any international food, then the vendors'revenues will fall so as the conclusion.
The secondary issue with this argument is that it has few unsubstantiated premises. The author says that the prizes are more expensive than the prizes given previous year. But if these expensive gifts were not relevant to the people, then argument will weaken.The author can strengthen the argument by providing few examples and by stating the relevance of those items to the public.
Though the argument may have some merits, but definitely not in the present form. In sum, if the author resolves such issues as presented above,then the argument will be more sound, convincing, thorough and persuasive.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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