Please rate my AOI essay

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Please rate my AOI essay

by karthmba011 » Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:12 am
"Public buildings reveal much about the attitudes and values of the society that builds them. Today's new schools, courthouses, airports, and libraries, for example, reflect the attitudes and values of today's society."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.



The above mentioned statement asserts that the public buildings that are built by the society, reveals a lot about the attitudes and values that this society holds. I strongly agree with this view and would like to validate it with the below mentioned reasons.

Firstly, every society has its own set of distinct architectural views that is reflected from the structure of its public buildings. Such a society only plays the role of a brainchild behind such distinct architectural marvels. Hence, the buildings built by such societies reveal a lot about the values and attitudes the society holds. For example, in London, upon observing the distinct structure of its public buildings minutely, one can sense the attitude of the society that the city has.

Secondly, the public buildings such as today's new schools, courthouses, airports, and libraries situated in every different city is built in a unique structural style, reflecting the attitude of the society. For example, the Beijing airport in China is built with a different structure to that of the London airport. And also the architecture of these buildings portrays different views about the local societies.

Lastly, I do agree that some might argue about the globalization affecting such unique designs of the public buildings located in different societies, and that the present societies opting to build their public buildings with an intention to give it an international look. However, I view this phenomenon from the view point suggesting that the attitude of such a society being global is what is making them build their public buildings with this style, thereby again reflecting their values and attitudes.

In sum, I like to concur that the public buildings that are built by the society, reveals a lot about the attitudes and values that this society holds. And even the globalization factor that is prevalent today doesn't prove this phenomenon to be invalid.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by grockit_andrea » Sat Aug 07, 2010 10:01 am
I would give this essay a 3 or a 4; I haven't seen this topic written on before, so I don't have much of a basis for comparison. Your structure is very good; you follow a clear organization, with good transitions and clearly stated topic sentences. Your second and third paragraphs don't actually seem to be making different points, though; you could switch the topic sentences of those two paragraphs around and it wouldn't have any significant effect on the essay. Coming up with a couple of discernibly different supporting points will help your essay, as will fleshing out your examples more fully. What is it about the buildings in London that gives away details about the society, and what is the attitude that society has? How does the Beijing airport differ from the London airport, and what differences in the societies does that difference in architecture reveal? Basically, your essay said that you had supporting examples, but didn't explain what those examples really showed. Merely telling me that a building shows the attitude of the society that created it isn't as helpful as explaining what the building looks like, and what specific features of that society's attitude are revealed.
I like your approach to the opposing view in the fourth paragraph; working on the rest of your argument will improve your essay-writing. Best of luck in your GMAT preparations!
Andrea A.
Grockit Tutor
https://www.grockit.com

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by karthmba011 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 7:08 pm
Thanks a lot Andrea for your detailed comment on my essay!

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