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ruslangmat
- Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
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- Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:47 pm
Hello! My request doesn't differ from other topics. I just want somebody to rate my essay and show my mistakes. Thank you
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Presented argument uses several ways to explain the fact that foreign company failed to get motorcycle X customers.
Firstly, the author tries to compare sales of cars with sales of motorcycles. Such analogy is flawed because it should be taken into account that motives of people who buy cars actually differ from motives of motorcycle customers. They resemble only in a way that both purchases provide mean of transport. However, we should understand that motorcycle customers have a propensity to demonstrate their motorcycle, to forget about any speed limits, and to enjoy loud noise mentioned above.
Secondly, there is an explanation concerning television advertisements. Such reasoning, of course, makes sense but to use it the author should make an assumption that customers decide whether they will buy or not only on the basis of this advertisement. Nevertheless, we can't imply that such assumption is true because there may be a lot of other sources from which customers get acquainted with this product and it's possible that loud noise is positioned as essential part of motorcycles X in other sources.
Thus, more information is necessary to make final conclusion, to strengthen the argument. For example, the author may find more representative data and information on marketing schemes of both companies and make an analysis using more useful information and data.
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
Presented argument uses several ways to explain the fact that foreign company failed to get motorcycle X customers.
Firstly, the author tries to compare sales of cars with sales of motorcycles. Such analogy is flawed because it should be taken into account that motives of people who buy cars actually differ from motives of motorcycle customers. They resemble only in a way that both purchases provide mean of transport. However, we should understand that motorcycle customers have a propensity to demonstrate their motorcycle, to forget about any speed limits, and to enjoy loud noise mentioned above.
Secondly, there is an explanation concerning television advertisements. Such reasoning, of course, makes sense but to use it the author should make an assumption that customers decide whether they will buy or not only on the basis of this advertisement. Nevertheless, we can't imply that such assumption is true because there may be a lot of other sources from which customers get acquainted with this product and it's possible that loud noise is positioned as essential part of motorcycles X in other sources.
Thus, more information is necessary to make final conclusion, to strengthen the argument. For example, the author may find more representative data and information on marketing schemes of both companies and make an analysis using more useful information and data.
