Argument Evaluation: Please rate!

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Argument Evaluation: Please rate!

by kashefian » Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:51 pm
The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newspaper:
"The computerized on-board warning system that will be installed in commercial airliners will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. One plane's warning system can receive signals from another's transponder-a radio set that signals a plane's course-in order to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


Plain collisions are of drastically increasing importance as of late and various methods are proposed to mitigate the risk of these catastrophic accidents. The author in this argument assumes equipping the commercial airlines with a computerized warning system would necessarily resolve the problem of air collision. A careful examination of the argument would show that the line of reasoning is flawed especially because the author relies solely on his unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions.

The primary problem in author's reasoning is in his unsubstantiated assumptions. The author, as an instance, assumes that the main cause of the midair plain collisions is lack of a warning system. The author does not provide us with evidence that lack of a warning system is the main reason why air collisions happen. As a result, attributing air collisions to other causes would render the author's argument invalid.

The secondary flaw in the author's line of reasoning is very similar to the first one. He again, assumes most of the plain collisions are caused by commercial aircrafts whereas other types like private planes would cause most of the air collisions.

The author would strengthen his argument if he provided the readers with evidence to support his assumptions and premises. For example he would refer to statistics that shows that the main cause of the air collisions is that the pilot is not warned of another plane approaching. Moreover, some other statistics would show that most of the air collisions has happened when two commercial planes collide.

In sum, although the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render the conclusion invalid, If the author truly hopes to change the readers' mind on the issue, he would need to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by kashefian » Fri Nov 26, 2010 6:24 am
anyone?

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by frank1 » Tue Nov 30, 2010 4:19 am
First of all i am not an expert.
I have not taken gmat yet but i feel i am still under 5 in overall AWA.

As i dont see any other inputs i think i can forward some of my observations
(Take it as group discussion)

I think it is not good idea to write the same essay that has been given as sample essay in OG 12.People will start visualizing that sample 6 essay and will always find something lacking in comparision to that(Nobody may be able to write perfect one).So even scoring you may be underscored because of that.

My saying in italics

Plain collisions are of drastically increasing importance as of late and various methods are proposed to mitigate the risk of these catastrophic accidents.

I think gramatical construction of this sentence is quite doubtful.So first impression can be last impression.So i think opening may be rewritten.More over i think it is not to target 100%.



The author in this argument assumes equipping the commercial airlines with a computerized warning system would necessarily resolve the problem of air collision. A careful examination of the argument would show that the line of reasoning is flawed especially because the author relies solely on his unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions.

The primary problem in author's reasoning is in his unsubstantiated assumptions.
They will say repetation


The author, as an instance (for instance is more common), assumes that the main cause of the midair plain collisions is lack of a warning system. The author does not provide us with evidence(HOW would be better) lack of a warning system is the main reason why air collisions happen. As a result, attributing air collisions to other causes would render the author's argument invalid. (I think this line is giving double meaning ---i think it is trying to say There may be other reasons which will invalidate argument but the line seems to suggest we need to do that)

The secondary flaw in the author's line of reasoning is very similar to the first one
It may give message that you are attacking same thing two times becuase of lack of counter arguement.I feel you should not clearly say i am attacking same arguement in two ways.

He again, assumes most of the plain collisions are caused by commercial aircrafts whereas other types like private planes would cause most of the air collisions. (there may be larger number of collisions envolving private planes)

The author would strengthen his argument (the arguement would have been strengthened if he had) if he provided the readers with evidence to support his assumptions and premises. For example he would refer to statistics that shows that the main cause of the air collisions is that the pilot is not warned of another plane approaching. Moreover, some other statistics would show(may show) that most of the air collisions has happened when two commercial planes collide.

In sum, although the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render the conclusion invalid, If the author truly hopes to change the readers' mind on the issue, he would need to largely restructure(or provide evidence-restructure means just change the order) his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions and provide evidentiary support(s). Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely(THIS can be blunder...i think it should be unlikely) convince few people.

I think we need to break sentence here.
Although is not required.(At the end when it is time for overall marking,it may not be good to loose all the grip you have established with errors-It may have negative impact on marking)

Plus,
Use of keywords seems for me.
Some more real life examples may help
More solid conclusion would help
One more counter arguement may help----at the end i felt it just suggest there is problem with cause and effect and thats all
Plus they say their should be logical binding between paragraphs

so,these are my observation.Please dont take it as instruction.That is my version of understanding of arguement essays.I am also a learner.These are just what i feel is not 100% right.But as you know gmat seeks right among right answers,it may be very demanding.

Thanks
Now,I am not in the state(eligible) of providing score for this essay as you know.
GMAT score is equally counted as your GPA and 78 clicks can change you life.

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