please review my issue essay

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please review my issue essay

by jain.chakresh » Sat Jul 03, 2010 6:25 am
"Some have argued that the salaries of corporate executives should be linked to those of their lowest-paid employees. This, they argue, will improve relations between management and workers, reducing costly labor disputes and increasing worker productivity. What these people overlook, however, is that these high salaries are necessary to attract the best managers, the individuals whose decisions have the greatest impact on the overall well-being of the company."

Which do you find more compelling, the contention that worker and executive salaries should be linked, or the response to it? Support your position with reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

Essay



I agree with the author in saying that salaries of corporate executives should not not be linked to those of lowest-paid employees. Though some people argue that salaries should be linked, yet they fail to analyze that if the salaries of the two groups be linked, there will be no respect from the latter to the former, no reason to go up the ladder in management chain, and no competition, so eventually businesses on a whole will suffer.

The main point that those people have failed to look for is that if the gap between salaries of two groups be reduced, the sense of competition to go higher up in the ladder would no longer remain, resulting in the unwillingness of people to work, and hence will impact the businesses on a whole. The resulting impact will be more than what labor disputes are causing currently.

Moreover, a great manager can have a very good understanding with his staff and hence can convince and lead them to be productive and loyal. In this way, s/he can maintain a very good repo with his/her workers. Thereby, increasing the relations between management and workers. For example, Henry Ford, in the early stages, maintains a very well repo with his employees because he understands that his employees are his key strength. The employees did like to work for him under any circumstances because he take care of their problems. Later, these employees also became the loyal customers of Ford, thereby increasing the revenues and hence profitability of Ford in longer run.

Finally, a good manager by helping his employees in their personal problems can encourage them to be more productive. For example, the great businessman Mr. Oogle Link, founder of iMedia, initiated the idea of "child-care programs" at work. So that, his employees can easily take care of their children while working. This way these employees became more productive than ever before.

In conclusion, the author's criticism of those arguing for bridging the gap between executives managers and labor class, is well reasoned. The points: improved relations between two groups, reducing costly disputes and increasing worker productivity can only be achieved by bridging the gap between salaries that these people argue can easily be achieved without linking the salaries of two groups.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by grockit_andrea » Sat Jul 03, 2010 8:41 am
I would probably give this a 4. Your organization and structure are good, you have a clearly stated position on the issue, and you do a great job of supporting your statements with examples in paragraphs 3 and 4. You have 2 problems here, though. The first problem is your syntax; it's scrambled in some parts of the essay, leaving you with awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. It's not enough to be really distracting, but I think it would keep you from getting a 5 or higher. Focus on writing mechanics a little more if you have time. The other problem is that your two strongest paragraphs aren't clearly tied to the issue. The prompt is asking about whether or not corporate salaries should be tied to low-paid employee salaries. Your 3rd and 4th paragraphs provide ways that management can improve employee relations, but they don't clearly state what that has to do with salaries. Clearly tying those paragraphs back to the prompt by stating something like "linking corporate salaries to worker salaries is not the best way to improve productivity; an alternative is..." would help make the flow of your essay clearer. I had to read those paragraphs twice, and go back to the prompt to spot the ideas to which you were referring, to understand why they were relevant.
A final note, not an important one but just in case it comes up again: it took me a while to figure out what a "repo" was, and I finally realized that you probably meant "rapport," which is pronounced "ra-PAWR," and so sounds a little like "repo." The grader for your essay might not take the time to figure that out, though, so be careful!
Andrea A.
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by jain.chakresh » Sat Jul 03, 2010 7:06 pm
Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your prompt feedback.

This was my first essay, so i was looking for this sort of feedback only.

I have a question that in the fourth paragraph, the example that i quote was completely fishy. It is not real.
So is it acceptable to frame examples, if you don't actually have experience on the topic?

Thanks
Chakresh

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by grockit_andrea » Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:29 am
I worked as an essay scorer (not for the GMAT, but the principles are generally the same from one test to another) and we were instructed not to address the accuracy of the facts or examples cited. So I'd say that as long as your example sounds plausible, you should be fine. However, you might want to avoid using a name like "Oogle Link," which sounds quite unrealistic. Try to stick to things that sound like they could be true.
Andrea A.
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