please rate my essay plzz..!!!!!

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please rate my essay plzz..!!!!!

by shikh » Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:26 pm
"In this age of automation, many people complain that humans are becoming subservient to machines. But, in fact, machines are continually improving our lives."


Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion expressed above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


This argument talks about science of automation, which is very relevant in today's world. While there are many disadvantages with the automation these days, we are also blessed lot of times with automation. Many people think that automation has made a person lazy, and humans depend on machines every time, rather believing in themselves. On the contrary, some people think that automation has helped them in many ways. In today's busy and running life, taking help of machines is a must. I personally believe that machines are improving our lives day by day.
Firstly, in today's busy and rushing life, each of us is badly in need of machines in order to complete our work in time. Suppose, on is in emergency and in need of someday, he can simply make use of his mobile and call somebody. Not only machines make our task easier, but also they improve our lives in many ways. For instance, one can make use of internet services anywhere and at any time. If you want to learn something, say yoga or instant exercises or any recipes, you can simple watch any video online and learn what you wish to. Therefore, I feel that the automation has improved our lives in many ways.
Secondly, as some people think that machines are the reason that is making humans lazy, this is not a correct assumption. Though humans depend on machines for their work, it has an advantage and that is of improving themselves. Automation, mechanics, electronic gadgets and appliances have taken the people into another world. In limited time, these machines can perform tasks efficiently. For example, a simple use of a small mixer can easily help in the kitchen within minimum time, rather than crushing items manually which takes a lot of time. Hence, I thoroughly agree with the given argument.
In conclusion, while there are arguments made on both the sides of the situation, I feel that automation and machines are a must in the modern life which makes a person to improve and earn knowledge easily and comfortably. Therefore, I totally agree with the latter group of people and would like to refute the former one.
Source: — GMAT Essays (AWA) |

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by HSPA » Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:40 am
Hi,

I have read the first para, there I found few sentences which either support or reject the argument.
we shall take only one side of the argument,

Make your last statement of para 1 the first and explain that decison from further on
- start your para with something like "I agree" or "I disagree with the author's claim"

Agree/disagree are keywords and the conclusion is followed based on this keyword.
- This you have done correctly

I personally did not like Your second para it could have been better..You could have chosen communications for technology.. iphone and its revolution and push in employment and IT growth...blah blah
First take: 640 (50M, 27V) - RC needs 300% improvement
Second take: coming soon..
Regards,
HSPA.

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