Need comments on - AWA Argument

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Need comments on - AWA Argument

by outreach » Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:24 pm
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a market research report examining consumer perceptions of a chain of clothing stores:

"A recent survey commissioned by the market research department of XY Gen Stores indicated a high level of recognition among consumers of the brand and the nature of the apparel sold in XY Gen Stores. However, the survey also indicated that approximately 60% of those surveyed that recognized the name of XY Gen Stores had never shopped at one of the company's stores. Because of this result, XY Gen Stores executives should launch a significant rebranding and marketing campaign to change the company's image and thereby bring new consumers into the stores.


MY RESPONSE:


In stating that a significant rebranding and marketing campaign should be done, the author of the argument does not backup his decision with valid points. Also the author does not mention on what parameters or which geography or ethnic people were surveyed.

First of all the argument mentions that 60% of people surveyed knew about the store, yet they were not shopping. The question is why? Is it because the surveyed audience does not get their stuff in XYZ store? Is XY store location not proper? We need to find the reason for the same before taking a final stand. for example when the store RX is the biggest and one shop store for all groceries in ponda-goa. But few customers used to visit. based on the analysis of consulting firm, RX started taking orders through phone as well as giving home delivery.

Neverthless though a store might be centre of city, there are chances that people might not visit it due to religious concern. for instance hindu people worship cow as god and they will not visit any store which sells beef

Another concern will be the parameters on which the survey was done. Market research department should tell the parameters such as locality, age group, mode of response etc before executives can make a decision. for instance if survey was done in a locality where people prefer next door shops then the results of survey are flawed.

If XY Gen stores executives still go ahead with a rebranding and marketing campaign, then it will just be waste of money. The reason is the that without the knowledge of requirement of people, the campaign can back fire. for instance where mining companies started distributing pamphlets to tribal village on the benefits of mining, companies never realized that tribals worshipped their land as god. When money was offered for god the tribals revolted against the official

to conclude, before the executives can go ahead with their next step, they need to evaluate the results of the survey more appropriately for reasons discussed above.
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by grockit_andrea » Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:44 am
Your essay is focusing too much on the issue of this essay, and not enough on the argument. While you do refer to a couple of flaws, your entire essay should revolve around dissecting those flaws in detail. A good way to make sure that you're focusing on the proper aspects is to make sure that each topic sentence in your body paragraphs refers to the author or the argument and clearly states the particular flaw you're addressing. For example, the topic sentence of your first body paragraph says "First of all the argument mentions that 60% of people surveyed knew about the store, yet they were not shopping." This does briefly refer to the argument, but the paragraph never mentions it again. And this topic sentence doesn't describe what the flaw is; it merely restates the information in the prompt, and incorrectly at that (the argument actually states that 60% of those surveyed who did know about the store didn't shop there; that's not the same thing as 60% of the people surveyed knowing about the store.) To make the point that you're getting at in this paragraph, I'd say something like this: "The author assumes that, because 60% of those who recognized the store's name did not shop there, XY Gen should look into rebranding and bringing new customers into the store; however, there's no indication in the argument that the company's image is the reason that the consumers in question do not shop in the store." From that point, you can mention some of the other possible reasons that people wouldn't shop in the store, but then you should again bring the discussion back to the author's argument by saying something like, "The author could strengthen this argument by..."

Aside from the argument/issue problem in your essay's focus, spend some time working on appropriate structure and organization. Each paragraph should have at least three sentences and a clear topic sentence. You should try to highlight three flaws, one per body paragraph.

You've done a good job of examining alternatives to the explanations that are assumed by the argument, but you should reframe your essay so that the focus is not on whether XT Gen should change its image, but instead on what the author could do to build a stronger argument in favor of rebranding or image changing.
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