GMAT Essays (AWA)

can someone rate my essay plz!

"Manufacturers are responsible for ensuring that their products are safe. If a product injures someone, for whatever reason, the manufacturer should be held legally and financially accountable for the injury."

Manufacture based companies are the base of the any man made things, which is in the market or in the house. To make a safe building, its base should be strong. Same idea is applicable on everything, which we are using daily.
Yes I agree with the statement "the manufacturer should be held legally and financially accountable for the injury". A product is launched in the market only when the company can make profit from that product and that product is in big demand. So there are two ways to launch a product; one is through safe certification & another is through without certification (which is illegal). There are certain parameters to judge a product is safe to use or not. After that a mark like ISI or 5 stars is given to a product. These symbols represent the quality or how much a product is safe to use.
Some companies launch their products without that certification, only for profit and they also know that their products are not safe. Such as, most popular in these days are Chinese mobiles, they are cheap & have more functions than other company's mobiles have. Because of these qualities Chinese mobile sell and consume on large scale. But most of these mobiles have come with one major problem that they get blast after getting full charged. This blast energy is sufficient to kill a person.
In addition, Nokia, which is a mobile leading company in India have also shown bad results in last year. Nokia Company uses a battery of 5C in its mobile. On this battery there is also a symbol of ISI and other certifications were present that time. But these batteries had given the incident of bomb blast and few persons also died & many were injured. This incident shows that if an authorized company is also producing this type of product after knowing the bad results of their products, only company is responsible for this.
Solution to this is government should issue a policy in which if a product of a company found to give bad effect to society after safe certification, company has to give penalty to injured person or to his family. Also immediately stop the production of that product and collect back its entire effected product from the market.

Manufacture based companies

Manufacturing

Same idea is applicable on everything, which we are using daily.

This sentence is needs restructuring and rephrasing.

So there are two ways to launch a product; one is through safe certification & another is through without certification (which is illegal)

Bring formal writing.

Some companies launch their products without that certification, only for profit and they also know that their products are not safe.

informal writing

Such as, most popular in these days are Chinese mobiles, they are cheap & have more functions than other company's mobiles have. Because of these qualities Chinese mobile sell and consume on large scale.

informal sentence...make small sentences.

But most of these mobiles have come with one major problem that they get blast after getting full charged.

blast...not get blast

But these batteries had given the incident of bomb blast and few persons also died & many were injured. This incident shows that if an authorized company is also producing this type of product after knowing the bad results of their products, only company is responsible for this.

Contradictory to what you said earlier. Sentence is again very informal and casual and reads like a forwarded email.

Solution paragraph is very nicely written but again there should be clarity. Formal structures with lesser words are easier to be understood by the bots.

You need practice but I must say you look promising.

Keep posting.




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To throughmba

I really thankful to you. bcz u hv checked my essay very deeply.
I hope in future u will again go through my new essays.

All the best.

Your appreciation keeps throughmba going.

Alex.