GMAT Essays (AWA)

Please give me a feedback if there was emotional touch or bias which would negatively affect my score?

Please also give me a feed back if using examples of people of Indian decent or origin would have any negative effects
for example in the issue I have used some like
Vikram Sarabhai
Mahatma Gandhi
Mother Teresa

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Human nature dictates that every action, no matter how selfless it appears, is inspired by a selfish reason.
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The author of this statement suggests that every human action is for his or her own selfish interest. This is a very strong statement put up by the speaker and I do not agree with him for many reasons. Though often human motives could be selfish, however,I still believe that human emotions like compassion, empathy, love, devoution, benevolance are pure and greed or selfishness is just another emotion.

The main reason for my view is that human beings perform many actions based on instincts that have developed over years of upbringing. For example, if a child in his childhood has seen benevolent actions of his parents, he would grow up to become a noble person, who participates in such noble causes later in his life. Moreover, countless examples of selfless people in the history of mankind can be given,like those of Mother Teresa in the service of people, Vikram Sarabhai in the service of science and Mahatma Gandhi in the relinquishment of bonds of mankind. Each of these people had worked with a goal or motive in life, but it would be wrong to regard their thoughts as selfish.

Another reason for my view is is humans are social animals and many aspects of their emotions are influcened by years of evolution. Specifically, any impuslive action whether good or bad would be based on this inherent nature. For example, I had witnessed the earthquake of 2001 in India and in one of the gory images saw a dead body of a lady clutching her child in a manner that her child was saved but sacrificed her life. The split second decison to save her child is an example that suggests that her noble action was motivated by her love for her child.

Some might argue,that many human actions are inspired by selfish interests. Definitely it could be with the case of a few politicians and other ill-charactered people in the society.However, it would be wrong to generalize the concept that human nature is selfish.

In sum I conclude that although there could be people motivated be selfish interests. I would be wrong to see each person selfish.


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Last summer saw a 500% increase in tourism at the seaside resort, and the national economic situation is even more favorable this year. This summer's tourist boom will surely generate record revenues which will resolve our area's economic difficulties.
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The speaker cites that there has been a steep rise in tourism last year and also mentions that the national economic situation is good, thus expects generating record revenues. I believe that the reasoning of the speaker is not correct and its irrational of him to believe that his area's economic difficulties would be resolved.

Firstly, it has been told that the economic situation of the nation is favourable.But from the statement one cannot make out whether the tourst place is frequented by local nationals or foreigners. It would be necessary to make judgement of the economic situation of target visitors.The speaker would be better off to indicate that the economic situation of the visitors has improved this year.

Secondly, even if we believe that the tourism boom continues this year we are not sure how bad the economic situation is there in the area. It is possible that all the profits might be wiped out yet the economic difficulties might not be alliviated. The speaker would be better off to suggest the kind of profits expected this year and

to show the gravity the economic difficulties to make a fair judgement of the solution of the economic woes. The speaker here has gone too far being overly optimistic that the economic difficulties would be resolved.

Finally, I would acknowledge that the speaker has shown a five time increase in the tourst activities last year, but whether this is a trend towards increasing tourism in the area or a sudden onetime spurt would be determinant towards the optimistic view of the speaker. It would be very heart-rendering to know that the 500% increase last year's tourist activities was due to a tsunami affecting another popular beach destination. Infact it would be good on the speaker's part if he could show how loyal tourists would be visiting the place again and thus suggest that the number of tourists would remain the same if not decrease.

In sum, the speaker should clearly address the economic situation of the visitors, he should also make sure that the tourist increase is a trend and not a sudden onetime spurt. Moreover, the speaker should not be overly optimistic of resolving all economic difficulties, he would be better addressing the resolution by giving the estimated revenues this year and the approximate money required to allivate the area of its economic difficulties.

Are you following any template or using your own style of language ? I have rated this assuming you wrote this in timed mode.

You have used transition words intelligently. Quite a few places, I saw grammatical mistakes but overall ok as those mistakes cannot be ruled out in timed mode. I felt you should have added little more on points in issue essay...especially in the 4th para where you have put counter-then-refute logic. I was expecting little more stuff in conclusion part.

yes in the timed conditions....this was part of the Kaplan test.
Infact had little time to complete the issue essay.
What I started off with was...Blindly putting down the template, within the first two minutes for both the essays.

I am a bit concerned with the touch of Bias or using Indian examples.
I have made up my mind to
1/ use a templates
2/ use examples with which I am familiar with and are easy for me to express/explain.

Hi,

Both your essays are good..In timed mode, it is even much better effort, i would say. Off the essay topic, however, you wrote a sentence saying mother saved life of a child in the issue. I will say that it is a selfish act of mother on her child. If you could have written that a mother has saved some other's child even her child was in danger, that would be a selfless act. That's just my way of representing an example. No offense on yours, though.