GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hi all,

This one is the Analysis of An Argument Essay, from the Kaplan 2011 text. Appreciate if you could take a look and poll below what you think my score might be.
And yes, I'll return you the favor too, thanks!

Topic:
The following appeared in a memo from the regional manager of Luxe Spa, a chain of high-end salons.

"Over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi bathtubs. In addition, the average family income in Parksboro is 50% higher than the average, and a local store reports record-high sales of the most costly brands of hair and body care products. With so much being spent on personal care, Parksboro will a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa - a salon that offers premium services at prices that are above average."

Response:

The memo by the regional manager points that the Parksboro market is a profitable location to launch a new Luxe Spa. Although the memo does substantiate this conclusion with some examples, this essay would discuss the logic behind the application of the examples and the assumptions behind them. This essay would also make recommendation on how the overall conclusion can be further strengthened.
Firstly, an important factor that has to be considered is whether or not customers who have Jacuzzis at home would pay premium prices to go out for a spa session. Since a majority of the locals have their own Jacuzzis, and have made relatively more purchases in high end hair and body products, the locals already have common spa facilities at home. Hence, should they be more comfortable in pampering themselves in the privacy of their homes, these individuals might not be willing to engage in the services of a spa. Furthermore, if the salon was to price its services at premium levels, potential customers might be turned off and prefer to pamper themselves in their houses instead.
Another key assumption made in this memo is the idea that launching the Luxe spa would be profitable just because the citizens spend a lot on personal care. Even if that is the case, there is a lot to be studied before reaching the conclusion of about the profitability of a service. For example, the market in Parksboro has to be evaluated based on simple business principles, which can be done by studying the customer base. The regional manager also has to conduct studies to check if there are any competitors in the market already. Further studies into the buying patterns and consumer behavior of locals in this area also have to be done, to establish their ability to purchase premium products from Luxe Spa.
Lastly, while the faverage family income is fifty percent higher than the national average, this does not necessarily indicate a higher disposable income. For example, in some countries where the average national wage is higher, the level of taxes is also higher. This disparity would have an impact on the disposable income. Should these citizens be taxed very highly, their buying power would be lower. The memo also uses this point as an assumption linking the purchase of high end goods. However, this does not take into consideration possible marketing techniques that could have lured customers in Parksboro to make such purchases.
Taking the above assumptions into consideration, it can be stated that although it is possible that the population in the Parksboro area presents a lucrative market for Luxe Spa, more research has to be done into its market in order to establish the profitability of launching a spa in this town.

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Cheers,
Gurpreet

Hi gurpreet your essay is pretty good ,i will rate you in the range of 4.5 to 5.

Suggestion: Include Separately Conclusion at the end of your essay, so quite possible your scoring would go up.

Thanks Manoj, and appreciate the suggestion too! I'll check your essay out too.

Cheers,
Gurpreet