GMAT Essays (AWA)

Dear Friends,

I am taking my gmat in next 20 days. However, I am done with my study on quant and verbal, I am worried about AWA the most. Since I have not prepared enough on this section, I have now only 20 days left and have to do a lot of practice. This is my first ever essay for the way ahead. I would like all your feedback on this on following points.
1. Grammer
2. style - I am very apprehensive on this part so pls find as many flaws as you can and suggest as well.
3. overall reasoning.
Thanks
In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behaviour. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.

In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

The issue of whether programmes should be censored or not for offensive language and behaviour is a very controversial for both television as well as radio. Since the programmes in both forms of media have great repercussions on society, therefore I would strongly support the first impression from the issue rather than the second one, which I think is not only necessary to have a healthy and sophisticated society, but to have a great cultured civilisation as well.
First, in absence of censorship, programmes would convey wrong influence to societies as a whole. Most children, who are unable to differentiate between wrong and right, get impressed with words which are considered to be inappropriate or an abuse in daily life, used in either advertisement or programmes in both forms of media. For example, a study conducted by a NGO has revealed aggressive behavioural changes in children who liked the particular advertisement that has used uncensored words.

In addition, some of the programmes, especially on television, show lot of violence and rigorous traditional customs those are irrelevant now days and can influence unhealthy atmosphere among the societies. These kinds of programmes not only can harm social cultural values of the nation unknowingly, but also they can provide a substantial harm to the younger part of the society. For example, a study conducted by a news channels has revealed that cases of rapes and murders have increased substantially between the age group of 20 to 30. Also the study has revealed that cases of honour killing have risen in as compared to previous year.

To add more to the issue, I would like to enlighten an uncensored frequency of usage of smoking of cigarettes by actors in movies these days. Since all of us know that smoking is injurious to health, actors being popular among the mass attracts their followers to pursue the life style they live. For example, study conducted by a NGO working dedicatedly in the sector of health education, has provide an analysis of most popular cigarette brand in India has also enlighten the fact that how has the brand reached to the stage of popularity. Since the cigarette brand was endorsed by the popular actor, the sale of the product has observed an enormous increase as compared to the previous years when brand was not endorsed by any of the actor. However, the several medical researches on the other hand have revealed that the cases of lung infections have increased substantially higher than ever before in the previous two years.

Although it can be said that some sort of censorship should be made essential for the television and radio programmes, there should be a monitoring wing to describe the censorship because neither audience nor viewer can distinguish between the right and wrong. Also having such governing body in place monopoly of media houses for running their uncensored programmes can be controlled.

~ Mannu Unnam
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