GMAT Essays (AWA)

I have written a couple of essays and had them evaluated with the online rater at gmatawa.com which got me ratings of 5+ on the essays. I had my sister evaluate the same essays(She is a English Lit Major). The rating she game me was between 3-5. I feel she is being a little too over critical of the essays. I hope somebody here can help with the rating so i can compare. I have attached 2 samples below.

1.

The following appeared as part of a newspaper editorial:

"Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum."

Essay:

The given argument seems well reasoned given the final result which is seen, but some factors need to be evaluted before a consensus can be taken on whether the conclusion is possible or some other factors also played a role in leading to the result.

Firstly, when the school employed the interactive computer instruction the dropout rate supposedly immidiately declined which is suspicious by itself. We need to evaluate whether the installation coincided with any other positive major change in the school district which posited such a change. Maybe an advertising campaign to educate youth on the importance of education was undertaken by the government. Or the town got a huge influx of companies coming in which improved the financial situation at homes of said students preventing them from droping out of school.

Secondly, we need to analyse whether an increase in funds is even possible for the school to allot to buy the said computers. It may be that the school is already streched too thin with the current situation and further investment in computers might not be possible. Also it may be that the whole thing is way beyond the means of the school and might have been given to the school as a charitable donation or as part of some companies social welfare program in which case it would be beyond the schools means to get more of the same for its students.

Thirdly, this interactive computer instructions might require teachers to spend extra time learning the system and implementing it which the teachers might be unwilling to do. Also the system may have a large upkeep and maintainance cost which would involve hiring specialised people to handle the system which would futher tax the school's budget.

Fourthly, for all schools in the district to adopt the system would reqire the goverment to sponsor said plan which the government might not have a budget for. Even if some politician were to take it up as a cause, it is highly unlikely that this kind of approval would pass in the government as it would imply a raising of taxes, which will not win the politician any votes.
Finally, the argument calls for the implementation of the said system throughout the curriculum which might not be a feasable option. The argument originally claims that the school had deployed the program in only three of the subjects, which may be because either the system is not designed to handle the interactive instructions in the other subjects or other subject do not benefit from interactive instructions.

In conclusion the given argument does show a way forward to decrease the dropout rate amongst student but a lot of other social and practical factors need to be considered before concluding that the implementation of the said system is even feasable.


2.

ESSAY QUESTION:

The following appeared in a corporate memorandum of a beverage manufacturer:

"Our promotional price reductions on energy drinks have been highly successful, as we have seen a dramatic increase in unit sales. Further, surveys of our consumers indicate that this promotion was favorably received by the majority of our customers. Therefore, to improve our company's profitability and enhance its perception in the eyes of consumers, similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by our firm."

Essay:

The argument proposes that the dramatic increase in sales was a direct result of the promotional price reduction and further claims that the same strategy would be helpful in promoting sales across all drinks produced by the firm. On the face of it this argument seems valid but a lot of other factors need to be considered before we can accord the surge in sales to the promotional campaign alone. Also evaluating other factors will give a clearer picture of whether a similar price reduction across all drinks offered by the firm will similarly cause a dramatic increase in sales as well.

Firstly, even though the claim is that the price reduction brought about the increase in sales, we need to look into what other factors could have caused this increase. Maybe an advertising campaign was launched by the company to promote the sales or advertise the price reduction. Since the increase in sales was of energy drinks alone, there might have been a promotional campaign by this or some other company on the benefits of energy drinks themselves. Maybe even some popular celebrity endorsing that brand could have led to the increase in sales.

Secondly, the argument claims that the surveys of the customers were favourable, but in order for the business to grow the company needs to attract newer customers as well. So it would give a clearer picture of the whole scenario if people who weren't customers were surveyed as well to see what their views were on the promotional campaign.

Thirdly, the argument calls for a blanket price reduction across all drinks produced by the company. It would be better if the external factors as mentioned above could be taken into consideration before such a decision is made. Also without completely evaluating such parameters it would be difficult to judge whether a blanket reduction would help the other products as much. If the surge in sales was because the drinks were "energy drinks" then reducing the price of non-energy drinks by the company will not show a boost in sales as predicted.

Finally, sacrificing profits to a certain extent for the purposes of a promotional campaign can be thought of as a marketing cost, but a permanent price reduction would eat away in the company profits and hence such a decision cannot be taken without evaluating the companies complete pricing strategy and seeing if such a reduction is even possible.

In conclusion it can be seen that even though the promotional pricing campaign might have led to the dramatic increase in sales, it might not be the only factor. Evaluation of the factors mentioned above along with evaluation of the pricing strategy for the company itself will enable for a clearer understanding of the situation and show what the way ahead should be.