GMAT Essays (AWA)

I would love any feedback on this essay. Thanks!

Prompt:

The following appeared as part of an editorial in the Waymarsh city newspaper:

"Last year the parents of first graders in our school district expressed satisfaction with the reading skills their children developed but complained strongly about their children's math skills. To remedy this serious problem and improve our district's elementary education, everyone in the teacher-training program at Waymarsh University should be required to take more courses in mathematics."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. (used with permission from mba.com)


My Response:

Parents of first graders in the Waymarsh school district are concerned that their children are receiving an unbalanced education between reading and math skills. The author suggests that this is indicative of poor elementary education in the school district. The passage argues that increased mandatory teacher-training courses in mathematics for all teachers at Waymarsh University would remedy this problem. However, the argument that the author presents lacks sufficient evidence. There are several areas in the passage that show flawed reasoning.

The primary problem in the author's argument is the assumption that a teacher who took more courses in mathematics at Waymarsh University will be better equipped to provide first graders with a proper education in math. This may not actually be the case. If the math courses mandated in the teacher-training program do not cover the school district's first grade math curriculum, they will do little to improve the teachers' abilities to teach first graders math. Furthermore, if the mathematics courses only teach concepts and not methods of teaching those concepts to young children, teachers will not be any more effective at teaching math to first graders than without the courses. An examination of the content of these proposed university mathematics courses would be helpful in determining their eventual effect on education in the district.

Additionally, the passage states that required mathematics courses at Waymarsh University will improve the district's elementary math education. However, there is no evidence provided that all, or a large majority, of the school district's teachers graduate from Waymarsh University. If a significant percentage of the school district's teachers originate from other regions, the proposed mandatory courses in mathematics at Waymarsh University would not improve the math teaching skills of teachers in Waymarsh. The author could make a stronger argument if he or she provided information on the origins of first grade teachers in the Waymarsh school district.

Lastly, the author's argument relies on the assumption that parents are accurate in judging their children's reading and math skills. Just because the parents complain strongly about their children's math skills does not necessarily mean the district's elementary education is lacking. For example, parents with strong math backgrounds may perceive their children's math skills to be lacking, when in fact, at the first grade level, their skills could actually be above average. Perhaps children develop their reading skills at a faster pace than their math skills. Information on the actual performance statistics of Waymarsh children in reading and math could serve to strengthen the argument.

In sum, the author highlights an important issue in Waymarsh school district's elementary education. However, without more information than the passage provides, it is difficult to accept the argument that mathematics courses at Waymarsh University could improve the math skills of first graders in Waymarsh. The addition of such information as university mathematics course curriculum, Waymarsh school district first grader teacher demographics, and Waymarsh first grader performance statistics could significantly strengthen the argument and better persuade the reader.

Katharine, thank you very much for your feedback! I did indeed write it in the time limit (but I came very close to the last minute while proofreading). This was probably more thorough than I've been able to do in all my other practice AWAs within the time limit. I will take your feedback on the intro paragraph and work on that. Thank you again!