Admission Essay- Please give me your reviews!

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Here's my admission essay for University of Maryland's MSB in Supply Chain Management program. Please have a look at it and suggest any changes you think need to be made. I know the conclusion is a bit haste. Any suggestions of what I should add in there? Thanks in advance!!


What are your specific post-graduate short-term and long-term goals? How will a graduate degree from the Robert H. Smith School of Business assist you in achieving your goals? Finally, please discuss your personal and professional motivations for pursuing a graduate degree. Please limit your response to 2 pages, double-spaced.[/b]

The reason that I apply the Program of Master in Business: Supply Chain Management in Robert H.Smith School of Business in University of Maryland is that I want to gain one-year superior business study before I begin my career in becoming one of the most excellent professionals in logistics and supply chain management. I choose Smith Business School for the following reasons. As we all know, MSB in SCM in Smith is a worldwide-accredited SCM program, which can guide me to the real business world with sufficient study of the discipline and foster me to grow into a prospective management leader with superior training in this field. Despite of this, it is exactly what I am striving for that to develop my analytical and interpersonal skills and learn real-world experiences from the prominent supply chain executives with cross-section background in Smith Business School. I am fairly confident that this one-year program will definitely guide me to the right direction.
Within five years after I graduate from the master's program, I plan to have gained cross-functional work experience in both of the inventory management and transportation management field first by working in United States, probably at one of the top-tier professional logistics companies in Fortune Global 500, such as Maresk (the largest container ship operator and supply vessel operator in the world.) The reasons for choosing United States are twofold, 1) SCM has developed for more than 40 years in United States with fairly mature mechanism in every part of the supply chain. The career opportunities are abundant and promising. 2) Most of the world-renowned companies with the most advanced operation and logistic system are located in United States. There I would be at the forefront of the leading-edge information and technology of the industry. This five-year plan is closely related to my long-term goal, which is becoming a top-tier business professional in supply chain management area with a solid economic undergraduate background which has equipped me strong analytical skills of statistics and comprehensive knowledge of world economic situations. I want to establish my own fourth-party logistics firm with my friends who cherish the same ideals and lead the company to become one of the top 4PLs in China in less than 30 years. An impressive story that happened during my volunteer program of children's reading education in a China's poverty-stricken village last summer ignited this desire. I will never forget the heartrending scene that how eagerly the lovely kids are waiting for books to read. My teammates and I were assigned to build up the library in a rural elementary school, which need at least 600 books for children to read. Nevertheless, it was the local transportation firm that accounts for the unexpected 2-week delay of the books so that we could hardly fulfill our goal of reading promotion there. Due to the lack of professional consulting agents and delivery-planning channels, the similar situation is fairly popular in China. Chinese individuals have to suffer the low-quality logistics service over a long period of time.

4PLs are the inevitable outcome as the supply chain management system develops, but 4PLs in the real sense haven't really reached the scale in China yet. As the supply market develops rapidly, the state's policy to revitalize industrial sectors in China indicates the bright future of 4PLs.

The Smith's MSB program will be definitely helpful to my five-year plan. I believe that the program will help further develop several skills and characteristics that are critical to a supply chain management expert. Generally, I think this program will provide me two kinds of skills during the program. First, analytical skill that is essential for making right planning decisions is the most important skill that I want to develop. Second, both interpersonal and leadership skills are highly required for me to succeed in establishing my own 4PL business. Also, I believe that this program will offer me some important characters, including sincerity, integrity, tolerance, optimism and flexibility, which will lead me to the success of my financial career.
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by throughmba » Sun Nov 13, 2011 7:59 am
Correct your grammatical errors. There are a few of them.

Regarding the meat, I would have presented it differently.

I would like to go more deep in the goals and the reasons.
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