Please rate my argument essay

[kriti87]

Hi,

please rate this essay on a scale of 1-6:

Topic:

People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety or the since of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body's ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this caloric-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.


Response:



The author's argument that people consuming aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss, is slightly flawed.
In drawing the conclusion, the author fails to take into account, certain supporting evidence which is missing.
In the argument, the author bases this conclusion on evidence that high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food, thus, depleting the brain of the satiety inducing chemical. Here, the author uses a vague term "high" instead of providing some concrete figures. Furthermore, the intake of the average consumer has not been mentioned. For example, a child consuming aspartame-sweetened juices might not have a high consumption at all. One might just have a very low intake of sugar or aspartame which may not cause any harm. Conversely, if a person has a very high intake of sugar or aspartame, then it does not make much of a difference if he/she is consuming sugar or aspartame.
Also, the argument is restricted to aspartame helping people achieve their dietary goals. Nowhere have the side effects ( if any) of aspartame been taken into account, when considering the advantages of sugar over aspartame.

This argument could be strengthened if the author provided more information substantiating the use of a vague term "high" when mentioning aspartame levels. If a statistical figure could be provided, then it would be easier to draw the conclusion. Moreover, if the author could broaden the scope of this argument, by mentioning other reasons as to why people should avoid aspartame and take sugar, it could be strengthened considerably.

As it stands, however, the argument is flawed for the reasons indicated above. If the above points were taken note of, the author's argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

[akusadekar]

The response is well structured but is very short to come to a firm conclusion. At present I would rate it a 3+, you can improve it by discussing more about how the author is actually being biased on his views about artifical sweetners and that he has provided any solid facts i.e- some figures from scientific magazines to back his argument.