GMAT Essays (AWA)

" Employees respond best to monetary compensation. No incentive will engender better performance than a raise in salary or a big bonus for a job well done. "

From your perspective, is this an accurate observation? Why or why not? Explain, using reasons and/or examples from your experience, observations, and reading.


"Money is everything". Motivating employees at work place is always difficult. Employer's often employ different means such as giving bonuses, salary rise, promotions, providing holiday packages, organising team events etc to motivate employees. I do not agree with the author on the issue that monetary compensation is single most important incentive to get a job done. Below mentioned are the reasons for my opinion.

Firstly, there could be other reasons for an employee's motivation of doing a job well. For example ,he may be hoping to get a promotion because of the continuous good work he has been doing. Consider an employee who has recently joined a software company. He has an outstanding academic record and has ambitions of being in top management of the company. For such an employee his career growth is the single most important thing that will urge him to do well at his job rather than money as he knows that he has the potential to make it big in the company.

Secondly, people in top management of a company are the ones who don't work for monetary incentive as they are already quite rich. People like Naresh Goyal, founder of Air Deccan airlines or Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft Corporation employ people in their management that have the same vision and loyalty towards the company as themselves so that these people can take the company forward. For such people creating brand value and revenue generation are the top priority instead of the bonus that they receive.

Although money can get lots of things done in today's world but it alone is not the reason why employees work. A person can who is a mechanical engineer but has interest in car racing may choose to work for a sports team as a mechanic on a lower a salary than as a mechanic in a fancy car showroom with a better compensation. Job satisfaction is something that no amount of money can provide.

In sum, I disagree with the author that money is the single most important factor in motivating employees. As stated above career growth, responsibility and job satisfaction go a long way in motivation of an employee and thereby affect the kind of work he does.

Hi Rahul,

I think overall your structure is good and your language is without any major syntatical or sematical flaws. I would rate it at a 4.5.

However I think you have 2 fundamental flaws:

1. A very Indian-style language. Sample this:

A person can who is a mechanical engineer but has interest in car racing may choose to work for a sports team as a mechanic on a lower a salary than as a mechanic in a fancy car showroom with a better compensation.

Better (not the best) version:
A mechanical engineer who is interested in racing cars, may choose to work with a sports team, than at a usual car showroom.

What is "car racing"? What is "fancy car showroom"? As an Indian I understand 100% but this is not American English.

2. Also the whole point of what you are trying to say here is a bit lost in the verbosity. Same true for the example of Bill Gates - he was NOT born rich so it goes against the point you are making. Your example need to be crisp and to the point. An example you could have given her is people who work in not-for-profit organization to bring about a change in the world. You might want to give example of some activists who protect environment. The main reason is to make the world a better place and not money alone. Teaching, for one, is such a profession.

Curious - but do you have issues with Sentence Correction? I feel you might based on the essay you have written.

Arun

Hi Arun,

thanks a lot for your detailed analysis.I have one week to improve ..will be posting few more essays soon. please rate them as well

Regarding SC i generally have 70% accuracy. Its easier to see the answer choice and apply the rules rather than incorporating those rules in the essay. Anyways I think I will have to do so to improve my AWA score.

Regards,
Rahul