Before & After Of An Essay That Made It To HBS

by Admissionado, Dec 31, 2019

Below youll find an excerpt of one of our clients essays that landed them a spot at HBS. Note: Some changes to personal information have been made to preserve anonymity.

Briefly tell us more about your career aspirations (500 characters)

CLIENTS FIRST DRAFT

My goal is to become Spains youngest Minister of Public Works and Transportation and transform the financing and delivery of infrastructure in my country. Three intermediary goals will get me there. First, expand my firms infrastructure practice in Southern Europe and become a global expert in infrastructure delivery, especially Public-Private Partnerships. Second, leverage global expertise to serve Renfe as a senior executive or consultant. Next, become Madrids Secretary of Public Works, City Planning, and Transportation as a stepping-stone to the Ministry.

CLIENTS FINAL DRAFT

My goal is to become Spains youngest Minister of Public Works and Transportation, and transform my countrys infrastructure by establishing a world-class system of Public-Private Partnerships. This is incredibly important to me as, having lived in Tokyo, Ive seen how great infrastructure can benefit everyone in society. Im convinced that great public transport, roads and airports are the key to Spains continued development. As Public Works Minister, Ill be best placed to make that a reality.

WHY THIS WORKS:This candidate blends a real (and very ambitious) dream to bring change to his country with a pragmatic perspective on how he can get there.

To read the rest of this clients HBS essays, as well as a structural breakdown of why theyallwork, grab a copy of our50 Essays That Worked Vol. 4PDF.

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