GMAT Essays (AWA)

For some people , the measure of a successful government is in how well it directly supports the poorer members of the society while for others , a successful government focuses on lifting the wealthier members and thus the benefits reverberated throughout the social structure and improved standard of living for everyone . I will present my arguments supporting the latter statement and refuting the former one .
Supporting the Wealthier will act in the chain reaction. If the wealthier are supported , they will create more opportunities such as that of Employment , Healthcare , Safety and Security for the poor as well to improve their standard of living . As a result , the entire society will be benefitted irrespective of the social status .

The permission of Himachal Government to allow conversion of villages of Baddi District to industrial area serves as a very good example supporting the argument . Initially , the proposal by wealthy businessmen to the Government of Himachal Pradesh to allow them to establish their industries in Baddi which now had small hamlets and provide them Tax benefits was seen with skeptism , but later this proved as a boon for the entire State. Once the government gave the permissions , the industries changed the completed district with construction improved infrastructure , new roads among others bringing Baddi to the world Map. Now Baddi is the most developed Industrial town of North India and has employed more than 10000 workers from nearby villages who would have never earned half of the salary that they earn now had the industries not been built. Along with this , the poor villagers of Baddi now have access to world class healthcare , safety and security facilities and well as good schools for their children .

Another Argument is the feeling of Responsibility to give back to the society by the wealthy people who are supported by the government. The Wealthy , when are supported by the government are considerate enough to help the government as well by giving back to the society which ultimately improves the lifestyle and standard of living of everyone. An example supporting this Claim is the pledge of Cisco to reconstruct a city in South India , TamilNadu which was destroyed in Tsunami . Now , If Government supports Cisco in doing Business in India , Cisco in return will do more Corporate Social Responsibilities related activities in the country .

It is also evident in the History that any development of the poor done with the support of the wealthy people is bitter than that done with the support of the Government since there are many middlemen involved in government activities who take their shares from the budget leaving very little for the actual development . Moreover , the charity functions organised by the wealthy contribute a lot to uplift the poor of the country .

Therefore , if the government supports the Wealthy , the wealthy will automatically take care of the poor of the society thus uplifting the standards . Those people, who say that the support of the government to the poor will help the society as a whole should consider that doing this will help to reduce the gap between the wealthy and the poor and will improve conditions only of the poor , might raise the lower bar but will do not good to raise the upper bar and contribute to the society as a whole .

The permission of Himachal Government to allow conversion of villages of Baddi District to industrial area serves as a very good example supporting the argument . Initially , the proposal by wealthy businessmen to the Government of Himachal Pradesh to allow them to establish their industries in Baddi which now had small hamlets and provide them Tax benefits was seen with skeptism , but later this proved as a boon for the entire State. Once the government gave the permissions , the industries changed the completed district with construction improved infrastructure , new roads among others bringing Baddi to the world Map. Now Baddi is the most developed Industrial town of North India and has employed more than 10000 workers from nearby villages who would have never earned half of the salary that they earn now had the industries not been built. Along with this , the poor villagers of Baddi now have access to world class healthcare , safety and security facilities and well as good schools for their children .

Make it a bit more contextual from the start.

The Wealthy , when are supported by the government are considerate enough to help the government as well by giving back to the society which ultimately improves the lifestyle and standard of living of everyone.

when supported

will do more Corporate Social Responsibilities

this sentence is a bit weird

It is also evident in the History

evident through historical facts

Moreover , the charity functions organised by the wealthy contribute a lot to uplift the poor of the country .

A far-fetched claim

Therefore , if the government supports the Wealthy , the wealthy will automatically take care of the poor of the society thus uplifting the standards .

remove of the society

Those people, who say that the support of the government to the poor will help the society as a whole should consider that doing this will help to reduce the gap between the wealthy and the poor and will improve conditions only of the poor , might raise the lower bar but will do not good to raise the upper bar and contribute to the society as a whole .

chop it off into smaller sentences.

Overall the writing is very good. A 5 for me going on 6.

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