GMAT Essays (AWA)

First attempt at AWA, written as part of Kaplan Diagnostic test. I think this would probably score in the range 3.5-4, right? Please provide feedback. Thanks!!

Stimulus: "To reverse the deterioration of the postal service, the government should raise the price of postage stamps. This solution will no doubt prove effective, since the price increase will generate larger revenues and will also reduce the volume of mail, thereby eliminating the strain on the existing system and contributing to improved morale."

Response:
The writer makes several assumptions without providing sufficient evidence in support of his argument that the government should increase the price of postage stamps in order to reverse the deterioration of the postal service.

Firstly, the assumption that such a move will lead to increased revenues is without any evidence. It is possible, or even likely, that higher postage costs might lead the general public to reduce their usage of postage stamps and use other alternatives, such as electronic forms of communication and telecom. This is also the expectation of the writer, as is clear from the mention of reduced mail postal volume in the given argument. In the absence of any evidence that shows that the revenues are likely to increase even with the reduced volumes, the writer's assumption is seriously flawed.

Further, the writer assumes, while making the given argument, that the reduction in volumes would reduce the strain on the existing system and boost morale. There is nothing mentioned to support the assumption that the current mail volume is a strain on the system and that the existing system is not equipped to handle this volume. In the absence of any supporting evidence, it might even prove counter-productive to increase prices, as it might lead to disturbing an optimized system and creating unwarranted wastage in the system.

In addition, the writer's assertion that a reduction in volume would boost morale is also highly questionable as such a reduction could, in fact, lead to lower job satisfaction among postal workers on account of being under-utilized. It could even lead to a lesser need for manpower in the postal department and affect the job security of postal employees, leading to a dip in morale.

Therefore, the recommendation to raise the prices of stamps is utterly unconvincing based on the information provided above and needs to be supported by much stronger evidence to be considered a reasonable argument.