GMAT Essays (AWA)

Please read and rate my essay! Thanks for your helps!

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“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

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The passage argues that individual nations do not make sacrifices necessary to save energy, but international leadership is essential to conserve energy resource for future generation. Based on my experience, I strongly agree with this opinion, for some reasons.



Firstly, independently conserving energy is often unrealistic. Because the increase in natural energy consumption makes energy exporters exploit this resource as much as possible. For example, when oil price reaches the high peak, UAE voluntarily cuts down exploited oil volume while Iraq refuses to cut down according to its self-interest. Therefore, it is unrealistic for a nation to independently sacrifices its own benefit.



Secondly, even though saving individually energy is realistic, nevertheless the save is unstable. To illustrate, OPEC is trying to maintain oil price stable and preserve oil reservoir for future while at the same time Russia maximizes its capability in oil production. Other country such as Venezuela may imitate Russia’s action to take more money than it does in the case of oil exploitation reduction. Thus, OPEC may increase its exploited oil volume to take benefit. Consequently, the save is unstable.



Moreover, energy preservation is international issue rather than issue of individual country. That is why worldwide leadership and international cooperation are significant to conserve energy reservoir. For instance, if OPEC, Russia, Venezuela, and other countries which have huge oil reservoir simultaneously reduce oil production as low as possible, the increase in oil price will be too high for customer to use. Then, the increase is motivation for scientists to discover new energy which, finally, helps conserve energy.



In sum, I confidently assert that international cooperation for energy conservation would be required to regulate global resources consumption rather than individual. Although this regulation may affect badly to worldwide economy but it is necessary for next generations.

I would give the essay a '4' simply because there were quite a few grammatical errors. First of all, the argument is that individual nations can-not make sacrifices to conserve energy without global co-operation." Your opening statement suggest that individual nations do not conserve energy which is completely different from the actual argument.

Second, there are a few instances where you switch the singular and plural forms of the word. For example you state: "Secondly, even though saving individually energy is realistic, nevertheless the save is unstable" but energy here is plural therefore the second half of your statement should be ..., nevertheless these savings are unstable."

I would strongly suggest you to read this article: https://www.economist.com/research/styleguide/ It will greatly help in your ability to write persuasive essays

Best of Luck! look forward to reading some more of your essays!

I'll give you a 5 on this.

It's pretty close to a 6, though - here are my comments:

1. Write more. A sentence or two more in every paragraph would go a long way to deepening your analysis.

2. Your examples are excellent - keep that up.

3. As pointed out above, make sure you proofread. A few minor spelling and grammatical errors won't hurt, but they do add up.

Good job!

Thanks for your commentaries. I'll post some both new issue essays and new argument essays.