Entrance Essay

[KFrank]

Hey guys,

I wrote a rough draft of my entrance essay into grad school. Would anyone mind taking a look at it and telling me how it sounds? Does it flow well? I feel like I repeat myself a bit. I'll copy and paste it below. Thank you!!





San Diego University



Leadership Program



Entrance Essay





In this day with all the economic troubles that the world is facing, it would seem very clear that financial issues would appear to pose the greatest challenge to non-profit organizations. Competition among organizations is great and constantly increasing due to diminishing funding. Many organizations will soon find themselves re-structuring and tailoring their programs to meet the requirements and needs of their funders. This is an activity which can greatly compromise the integrity of the program, also known as “mission drift”. It is at this time that the organization must focus on engaging in strategic planning and developing the best possible plan for the difficulty of dealing with uncertain funding.



This is where the volunteers come into such high play. The individuals that are selected to utilize their time within a particular organization must understand, care for and be passionate about the program. In this economic time of need people are more aware than ever of the needs and struggles that are faced day to day by other communities, wildlife and the environment. I think it is important for non-profits to take advantage of this way of thinking in the most pro-active way possible. This is the biggest challenge facing them. Leadership and management styles will have to be more open to change in their programs without compromising the end goal.



Organizations must first gauge the level of the volunteer’s commitment and the expectations of the satisfaction. What are the individuals trying to get out of the program? Many educational institutions are requiring more community service than ever before. Is there a work or school credit involved? Are they looking to transition from one career to a new industry? Or are some others still simply looking to make a difference in the world? A large portion of the population is made up of highly educated professionals of the baby boomer era who are looking for meaningful activities to enrich their lives. What are the skill sets that the volunteers have? Younger volunteers are often looking for opportunities to increase their knowledge and skills to ready them for the job force. Experiences in their field are often a driving force for them. Do others still simply have time and energy on their hands? The senior population will be growing soon and they tend to be healthier these days. The generation that was encouraged to work so hard will soon find their lives a little empty in retirement age. They will look to fill that void with interesting activities to keep busy with.



Creating places for these various groups may be one of the greatest challenges that volunteerism has ever faced, but it cannot be ignored. These individual groups need to be utilized for the benefit of themselves and the appropriate program. Non profits that do not learn to effectively reach out to these groups will eventually be pulling from a much smaller pool of volunteers. With the state of the economy where it is, anyone who is willing to donate their time and skills must be taken up on the offer.

[Marisa]

Hello,

There is a unique industry and timely perspective in your essay; however, grammatical errors and lack of cohesion have left me a bit confused.

For example, "it would seem very clear that financial issues would appear to pose" = clearly, financial issues pose.

Good luck

[mayonnai5e]

This statement is very unclear. First, you should provide the prompt for the essay so we can have a better understanding of what the school is looking for. Second, your essay completely ignores the most important part: YOU! What you've written is an "opinion," if you will, about a certain topic. You speak from a certain perspective then leave the reader with a bunch of unanswered rhetorical questions. The question I come away with is: what the heck is this person talking about? I asked for an entrance essay and I get an essay full of questions?

The most important thing that any school wants to see is the relationship between the school and the individual. School. Individual. School + Individual. Your essay speaks not of the school nor of the individual (you).

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I would throw this entire essay out and start from scratch. When you start anew ask yourself these two questions: Why this school? Why me at this school?