• e-gmat Exclusive Offer
    Get 300+ Practice Questions
    25 Video lessons and 6 Webinars for FREE

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    e-gmat Exclusive Offer
  • Economist Test Prep
    Free Trial & Practice Exam
    BEAT THE GMAT EXCLUSIVE

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Economist Test Prep
  • Veritas Prep
    Free Veritas GMAT Class
    Experience Lesson 1 Live Free

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Veritas Prep
  • Varsity Tutors
    Award-winning private GMAT tutoring
    Register now and save up to $200

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Varsity Tutors
  • PrepScholar GMAT
    5 Day FREE Trial
    Study Smarter, Not Harder

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    PrepScholar GMAT
  • EMPOWERgmat Slider
    1 Hour Free
    BEAT THE GMAT EXCLUSIVE

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    EMPOWERgmat Slider
  • Magoosh
    Magoosh
    Study with Magoosh GMAT prep

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Magoosh
  • Target Test Prep
    5-Day Free Trial
    5-day free, full-access trial TTP Quant

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Target Test Prep
  • Kaplan Test Prep
    Free Practice Test & Review
    How would you score if you took the GMAT

    Available with Beat the GMAT members only code

    MORE DETAILS
    Kaplan Test Prep

technology and infrastructure of a century of oil­ based en

This topic has 3 member replies

ratings

6
 
0% (0 votes)
5
 
0% (0 votes)
4
 
100% (1 votes)
3
 
0% (0 votes)
2
 
0% (0 votes)
Gmatasap Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
04 Apr 2016
Posted:
19 messages
Target GMAT Score:
750

technology and infrastructure of a century of oil­ based en

Post Sat Jun 11, 2016 4:12 am
I know reviewing essays are not particularly common, yet can somebody please give the worst possible comment on the essay below. Please try to give me points that would improve my essay, instead of simply giving a 1 or a 2.


The following appeared in a newspaper editorial:
'The claims of some politicians that we are on the brink of an energy crisis are misguided. We have enough oil in reserve to see us through any production shortage and the supply of in-ground oil is in no danger of running out any time soon. There is thus no need to set aside the technology and infrastructure of a century of oil based energy'


The author states that the claims of some politicians that we are on the brink of an energy crisis are misguided. He says that we have enough oil reserves to overcome any production shortages. He also claims that we have good enough in-ground oil supply. He thus concludes that we need not set aside the technology and infrastructure of a century of oil based energy and we need to carry on with the same, The conclusion put forward by the author is based upon assumptions that are faulty and the points he puts forward have not been backed up by proper evidences.
The author mentions that the supply of in-ground supply of oil is not in a danger of running out any time soon. He however does not mention how long is long enough . Even a supply of oil enough for next hundred years could not be said to be enough supply of oil . Shifting from one source to another is not a swift process and the change may sometimes take decades to complete. Moreover, enough supply of oil does not guarantee that all the supply of oil can be extracted with the given technoloy and resources. We have seen the Great Economic Crisis of the 1970s where we had a lot of supplies of oil but could not extract it with the resources available.
Also, he mentions that we have enough oil reserve to see us through any production shortage. The question again is how long do we plan to rely on the reserve of oil . We might have oil reserves enough to last a year, or may be two. But does that mean that the reserves will outlast the production shortages? Lets consider the chances of a war in large scale. What if the countries producing the oil are not able to supply the oil for more than five years due to the war?
The author also fails to mention the location of the in -ground supply and the reserves . Can we rely completely upon the resources of other countries? And can we be a hundred percent sure that the countries will keep their supply steady?
The author misses to foresee the possibility of bad relations with the countries where supply of oil is abundant. International politics may play a role at any time and the relations may go south.
Last and most important, the author fails to look at the other reasons why we need to set aside the technology and infrastructure of oil based economy. Supply shortage is not the only reason behind it. The more important reason to make the shift is the impact the oil based energy is having on the environment. We may never run out of the supply but the oil based energy is depleting the environment every moment. The real reason to look out for another source of energy could be anything other than just the limited supply of oil.
Thus, the author needs to consider and mention a number of other factors to make an impressive reasoning. The author needs to avoid using vague words like enough and any time soon. The author also needs the think from multiple prospectives before reaching a conclusion. The passage can be made more conclusive by inserting facts and finding before reaching any conclusions.

  • +1 Upvote Post
  • Quote
  • Flag
Need free GMAT or MBA advice from an expert? Register for Beat The GMAT now and post your question in these forums!

Top Member

Top Reply
Post Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:52 am
Gmatasap wrote:
You mention the follows :
One area in which the essay breaks down a little is here.
"Also, he mentions that we have enough oil reserve to see us through any production shortage. The question again is how long do we plan to rely on the reserve of oil . We might have oil reserves enough to last a year, or may be two ...
... The author misses to foresee the possibility of bad relations with the countries where supply of oil is abundant. International politics may play a role at any time and the relations may go south."
Your paragraph structure became a little freaky at that point.

Do I leave the lines altogether or do I rephrase the lines. I wanted to bring out the point that, we cannot rely upon the reserves of oil, they are always limited and will eventually be used up.
One thing you could do is to put some of those ideas into one paragraph. Some of them address the assertion that abundance in terms of in ground supply means sufficiency in terms of supply. So they would work together to show that the presence of in ground supply does not necessarily equal sufficient available supply. You could even combine the reserves ideas with the in ground supply ideas to show that presence of oil somewhere does not necessarily indicate that availability is assured.

Either way, my point is that those sentences could be better organized into one or two coherent paragraphs.

Quote:
Thankyou for taking time to read the essay and give really constructive suggestions.
Sure thing.

_________________
Marty Murray
GMAT Coach
m.w.murray@hotmail.com
http://infinitemindprep.com/
In Person in the New York Area and Online Worldwide

  • +1 Upvote Post
  • Quote
  • Flag
Thanked by: Gmatasap
Gmatasap Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
04 Apr 2016
Posted:
19 messages
Target GMAT Score:
750
Top Reply
Post Sat Jun 11, 2016 8:44 am
Dear Marty Murray
Thankyou for taking time to read the essay and give really constructive suggestions.

You mention the follows :
One area in which the essay breaks down a little is here.
"Also, he mentions that we have enough oil reserve to see us through any production shortage. The question again is how long do we plan to rely on the reserve of oil . We might have oil reserves enough to last a year, or may be two ...
... The author misses to foresee the possibility of bad relations with the countries where supply of oil is abundant. International politics may play a role at any time and the relations may go south."
Your paragraph structure became a little freaky at that point.

Do I leave the lines altogether or do I rephrase the lines. I wanted to bring out the point that, we cannot rely upon the reserves of oil, they are always limited and will eventually be used up.
I also wanted to mention that the political relations with Oil Producing Countries could deteriorate at any time, which would decrease the supply of oil form those countries, and we could eventually be in a problem.

I will definitely work on concluding the essays better.
Thankyou for everything.

Gmatasap

  • +1 Upvote Post
  • Quote
  • Flag

Top Member

Post Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:52 am
Gmatasap wrote:
You mention the follows :
One area in which the essay breaks down a little is here.
"Also, he mentions that we have enough oil reserve to see us through any production shortage. The question again is how long do we plan to rely on the reserve of oil . We might have oil reserves enough to last a year, or may be two ...
... The author misses to foresee the possibility of bad relations with the countries where supply of oil is abundant. International politics may play a role at any time and the relations may go south."
Your paragraph structure became a little freaky at that point.

Do I leave the lines altogether or do I rephrase the lines. I wanted to bring out the point that, we cannot rely upon the reserves of oil, they are always limited and will eventually be used up.
One thing you could do is to put some of those ideas into one paragraph. Some of them address the assertion that abundance in terms of in ground supply means sufficiency in terms of supply. So they would work together to show that the presence of in ground supply does not necessarily equal sufficient available supply. You could even combine the reserves ideas with the in ground supply ideas to show that presence of oil somewhere does not necessarily indicate that availability is assured.

Either way, my point is that those sentences could be better organized into one or two coherent paragraphs.

Quote:
Thankyou for taking time to read the essay and give really constructive suggestions.
Sure thing.

_________________
Marty Murray
GMAT Coach
m.w.murray@hotmail.com
http://infinitemindprep.com/
In Person in the New York Area and Online Worldwide

  • +1 Upvote Post
  • Quote
  • Flag
Thanked by: Gmatasap

Best Conversation Starters

1 lheiannie07 120 topics
2 LUANDATO 62 topics
3 swerve 62 topics
4 ardz24 61 topics
5 AAPL 57 topics
See More Top Beat The GMAT Members...

Most Active Experts

1 image description Scott@TargetTestPrep

Target Test Prep

174 posts
2 image description Brent@GMATPrepNow

GMAT Prep Now Teacher

173 posts
3 image description Rich.C@EMPOWERgma...

EMPOWERgmat

131 posts
4 image description Jeff@TargetTestPrep

Target Test Prep

130 posts
5 image description EconomistGMATTutor

The Economist GMAT Tutor

130 posts
See More Top Beat The GMAT Experts