GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hello,

Can you please rate this essay? I have tried to follow Myohmy's template here. Thanks for your help - Sri


The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles.

"In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


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My response:

The in-take of fatty foods like nuts, cheeses and oils has become a very contentious topic these days. There are people who claim that fatty foods in-general are not good for health because of their cholestrol content. At the same time, there are individuals who point to studies that have shown certain foods like nuts and certain types of cheeses and oils have good fats in them which are essential for the human body and hence are helpful if consumed in moderation. In this argument the author is presenting some examples that include a 1960's health food store, a vegetarian restaurant and a beef restaurant to conclude that people in general nowadays are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Though the author does have a point here his argument is general is not well reasoned nor substantiated since it includes several questionable assumptions and conclusions.

In the case of Heart's Delight the author is concluding that just because it sells cheeses, people are not watching their intake of fatty cheeses. As pointed in the previous paragraph certain fatty foods like cheeses help and not hurt metabolism when consumed in moderation. Hence, just because Heart's Delight sells cheeses does not mean that people are not careful about regulating their intake of fatty cheeses. In the case of Good Earth Cafe the author himself is stating that it is an old restaurant. Hence, it's menu has probably stayed the same over the years and people are probably just bored of eating the same thing again and again. The new House of Beef restaurant might be doing very well because it is a new restaurant and hence people are going there just to try it out. Hence, these premises are questionable to make a general statement.

The author's argument also includes several questionable assumptions. He is assuming that just because Heart's Delight sells cheeses, people are not regulating their consumption of fatty cheeses. The author is assuming that fat's dont serve any benefits. Some fat is needed to absorb calcium. Fruits, vegetables and whole-grains are a great source of fiber and calcium. It is quite possible that Heart's Delight might have started selling fatty cheeses since some fat is needed to absord the nutrients of fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

In the case of the Good Earth Cafe the author is assuming that just because it is not doing that great means people aren't eating enough fruits and vegetables. This is again a questionable assumption. Just because the House of Beef is doing very well does not mean that people are not watching their intake of red meat. As pointed in previous paragraph, people are probably just going to the House of Beef just because it's a new restaurant. Also, profit margins are typically higher for meat products like beef which might explain why the owners are millionaires.

The author can strengthen his argument by presenting more concrete premises and by eliminating questionable assumptions if he wants us to accept his argument that people are not regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. He can perhaps cite some studies and statistics to strengthen his argument.

Hence though the author's claim does have some merit his overall argument is unsubstantiated because of his questionable premises and assumptions.

Here are some pointers you can use:

1) Use the word 'argument' instead of 'author'
2) Be more clear in terms of formatting. Each paragraph should solve a purpose that is not solved by any other paragraph.

For example: Para 1: Breakdown the argument and mention the weaknesses in short
Para 2: Highlight all incorrect assumptions
Para 3: Highlight all fallacious evidence provided .... and so on