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rate my essay-argument

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csleee Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
22 Jan 2008
Posted:
11 messages

rate my essay-argument

Post Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:41 pm
""The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."

My Response:

The argument concludes that people who are considering retirement should invest in real estate because of its stellar performance in the past. Although the argument does present favorable evidence to invest in real estate, it lacks to consider several other aspects that can affect the real estate market or to even consider any other alternative investment vehicles. The author presents a very one sided argument, failing to mention several other important factors that may influence the decision of one considering where to invest and also the author's argument is based upon several assumptions that may or may not be true.


To think that the past can predict the future can seriously cloud ones judgment. Although the real estate market has been performing very well in the past, there are no indications that the real estate market will be able to sustain its performance in the future. The author suggests to invest heavily in real estate to ensure the investor's financial security, but does not consider what would happen if the real estate failed to produce the same returns that it had in the past. Investing so heavily in the real estate would not provide any sort of diversification of risk, failing to secure financial stability.


The authors argument is based on the assumption that all real estate investments will be able to provide a significant return. A return that would be significantly higher than what the investor could receive if he invested in other investment vehicles such as stocks or bonds. Also, the author assumes that the investor either has the knowledge and know how of investing in the real estate market or that just blindly investing in the real estate market will be able to produce the same returns that it has in the past. Although the real estate market may be able to produce returns higher than any alternative, the investor has to have the technical know how to do so.

The argument states that the population is projected to keep growing, but does not state at what rate. Assuming that the the driving force behind the rise in real estate prices is the growing population, the projected population growth in the future could be significantly higher than what actually happens, therefore not securing the projected returns. Even if the projected population growth is correct and that there will be a higher demand for land, the argument assumes that the remaining land available for purchase is not unusable.

The author presents a very one sided argument, based on many assumptions that may or may not be true. Had the author addressed the issues previously mentioned, a more concrete argument would have been presented.

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VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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Post Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:06 pm
Hi csleee,

You're definitely on the right track with your essay. Two minor points: try to leave more time at the end of the essay to proofread for grammatical and spelling errors before you submit it, and try to lengthen your conclusion a bit more. All of your other paragraphs are well substantiated, so the last paragraph seems a bit short in comparison.

I'd give this a 5. Good luck, and hope this helps!

_________________
Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

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