GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hello all,

This is my second essay, which I wrote in 30 minutes. Would really appreciate your opinion and feedback.

Thank you.

The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery:

"The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that
handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the
sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


To find the best professional to oversee and manage each department of a company is the key to the company's success and increase in revenue. In the situation presented above, in which the company is undergoing a decline in revenues and delays in manufacturing, there are many factors we need to consider before we can identify the real causes to this problem and the best solutions to fix it. The author suggesting that since the failing in revenues and delays in manufacturing are happening at the same time and poor planning in purchasing metals plays a major role in the delays, the manager of the purchasing metals department is to be blamed. The author goes on to suggests that the ideal solution is to replace the current manager with a scientist who with a greater amount of knowledge about metals will be able to enhance the purchasing process and as a result there problem will be solved. Even though the author bases his argument on an understandable foundation, he fails in presenting stronger evidence and data to persuade the readers.

Most seriously, the author tries to make his entire argument sound without considering necessary evidence and assumptions. To say that the delays in manufacturing caused by poor planning is the direct factor influencing the failing of the company's revenues seems incomplete. In addition, the author uses the word "coincidenc" to support his claim. How can an argument be solid if the data provided are coincidental? If the author included other factors, such as the current status of the machinery and labor in each manufacturing departments, to point out that poor planning is in fact the biggest influence in the process then his argument would stand stronger.

Secondly, the author did not succeed in wining the reader's agreement because he generalized his conclusion without giving the realistic context. The author understands that a good manager can change the problem, however the author generally assumes that a scientist with comprehensive knowledge of metals is the best suitable candidate to replace the current manager. This statement can be acknowledged as right if the author clearly draws the connection between poor planning with lack's knowledge in the materials. Poor planning can results from many factors, such as: ineffective system, new relationships with vendors, and etc. Thus, to provide partial solution without fully analyzing the holistic context, the argument needs to be strengthen.

In general, the author has a good understanding of the overall situation of what is happening with the company. Yet, he didn't consider all the factors and made a general conclusion to the problem. Therefore, if the author had considered the previously mentioned points, he/she can use this argument to without major objections.